Wednesday, August 31, 2005


One night my friend Shelley and I had been out on Jeff Davis Ave. This was Main Street in our small town of Long Beach, and it's what we typically did on the weekends. We hung out in Sonic, K&B [drug store] and National [grocery store] parking lots. We'd seen our friend Scott Garcia taking a lot of photos. So close to graduation, Scott was grabbing photos. "This might be the last time I see you" he kept saying, mostly to his Senior friends.

Around 2 a.m., Shelley and I sped home down Pineville road, trying to make curfew. Just past the Winn Dixie grocery store, the road was blocked by bright lights and sirens. We cursed whatever the issue was and headed around the block, sure we'd now miss Shelley's curfew.

The next morning we awoke to the tragic news. Our friends Lance and Scott had spun out on Pineville Road right there in front of the Winn Dixie. They hit a tree. Scott...didn't make it.

The funeral was held at the First Baptist Church in Long Beach. It was the only place large enough to hold all of the high school. Girls who had once made out with Scott in the front seat of their daddy's car sobbed uncontrollably. The football team sat on the front row.

He was buried in his football jersey.

We all loved Scott.

First Baptist Church of Long Beach was flattened by Hurricane Katrina. It's gone.

And now you have a personal connection.

Must. Stop. Watching. Coverage...

I am just heartsick.

The governor of Mississippi said that 90 percent of the buildings between Hwy. 90 and the railroad tracks in Biloxi, Gulfport, Long Beach (my town) and Pass Christian are destroyed. "Not damaged," he said. "Gone."

Got an email from Shelley this morning. She's in the Netherlands you know. Of course, just as I suspected, her parents stayed. They always do. They weathered Camille in that house. Shelley's worried sick as she hasn't been able to make any contact with them since the storm hit.

I am completely heartbroken.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


The consensus seems to be that I was wrong. Big Daddy said that since My Kid has never done anything to make us not trust him, I shouldn't have been "checking up" on him. So I apologized to the kid. And he just got pissed off at me for bringing it up again. Pre-teens are like that.

Did I mention that today is his birthday? Happy Birthday, Kid! I love you baby.

About the hurricane, I am just sick watching the coverage of the devastation. MSNBC is showing aerial shots of it all and it's unbelievably sad. They just showed Long Beach. There is nothing left except for St. Thomas church. Everything else is gone. Literally...gone.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Tell me if I'm wrong

I didn't bring home my laptop tonight. It was raining and my back was hurting and it just didn't seem like a good idea.

I'm posting now from an old desktop in my bedroom.

My Kid's been using it for a while to play computer games.

So, while I'm on it, I keep getting all these instant messages.

I ignored them at first. Then I opened up his buddy list. And there's like 30 names on it!

So when the messages came in, I started pretending like I was My Kid.

"Hey," I'd say. "Who is this?"

Three names in three windows. All kids I knew and trusted.

Then My Kid walked in the room.

"What are you doing?" he asks. I'm sure he's not used to seeing me on this old PC.

"Pretending I'm you," I say.

He sees that I'm on IM and totally freaks the fuck out.

I say, "I'm your mom. It's my job to make sure that you're not talking to child molesters online."

He goes in his room and slams the door.

Was I wrong? Tell me, I can take it.

File this one under "Boys Will Be Boys"

My Kid calls me at work. "I'm going outside," he says. (He's required to call me if he leaves the house.)

I'm all, "But it's raining!"

Because it is raining, with 20 mph winds. We're starting to feel the outskirts of our friend Katrina.

He says, "I know! There's a football game!"

Yes, the boys in the cove have gathered a FOOTBALL GAME in the tropical storm.

"OK," I say, "but you'll have to take a shower before we go to your birthday dinner."

Subfile: Pick Your Battles

"They thought we were completely safe"

From blog:

An amazing phone call just aired on The Weather Channel a few minutes ago from Jim Cantore's producer, Simon Temperton. The two of them are at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Miss., where they have sought refuge from rapidly rising floodwaters on the second floor along with 300-400 residents of the home.

Here's some of what Simon reported in his phone call:

"We're going through some unbelievable conditions. Water is seeping into the building. I'd say we've had at least a 20-feet [of] storm surge. It has washed away all our rental cars, and everything else [in the parking lot]...

"Now water is seeping into the home and they are evacuating everyone to the second floor. I'm standing in 5 or 6 inches of water [on the second floor]. The power is out. There are a few emergency lights. It's a very daunting prospect right now....

"It's a very dangerous situation. I've been doing this for 15 years, and [I've] been Mr. Cantore's producer for many hurricanes, and I've never seen anything like this. This is probably the scariest situation we've ever been in -- just the sudden rise of water and how fast. They said we were good here for 27, 30 feet [of storm surge] -- they've never seen anything like it. They thought we were completely safe.

"We're not even shooting [video] anymore. We're basically in self-preservation [mode] right now. We're helping people put up boards and sandbags to keep the water from coming in. We've become part of the crew.

"In the time we've been talking, the water has risen, I'd say, another 3 inches. It's up to the top of my boots. The water keeps rising."

Hurricane Katrina is battering my hometown

I grew up 50 miles east of New Orleans in Long Beach, Mississippi.

Luckily, I have no family left down there. Still, you wonder if the places that you knew and loved will still be there tomorrow.

Shelley, if you're reading this, please let me know that you've spoken to your parents and they're okay. Email me at

Saturday, August 27, 2005

100 Things about Shoes

1. I. Love. Shoes.
2. And I'm a shoe snob. I'll admit it.
3. I must have at least 50 pairs of shoes.
4. Which isn't any kind of record.
5. But they all cost over $200.
6. Depending on if I get them on sale or not.
7. Count it: That's over $10,000 worth of shoes.
8. My favorites are a pair of stiletto-heeled, pointy-toed, black Prada pumps.
9. I bought them on sale for $200.
10. They were a 1/2 size too small, but I didn't care, given the great price.
11. Anyway, leather stretches.
12. My favorite way to wear them is without hose.
13. My most comfortable is a pair of Stuart Weizman black croco slingbacks.
14. They're very high, but very easy to wear.
15. I could fucking run hurdles in a pair of 4-inch, $500 shoes.
16. Seriously.
17. Expensive shoes are way more comfortable than cheap shoes.
18. And by "cheap shoes" I mean 9-West.
19. Or Enzo.
20. Years ago, when I was still in college, I met this girl who'd just returned to Memphis from modeling and acting in LA.
21. She gave me this expensive shoe line.
22. I thought she was the biggest snob I'd ever met.
23. If I could find her now, we'd probably be BFF.
24. I do not wear flats.
25. I have one pair of Banana Republic black croco flats.
26. They're cute but just not comfortable for me.
27. I thought I might wear them occasionally with skinny pants.
28. Or maybe when I travel, and have to huff it through airports.
29. But no.
30. I'm 5-foot-2.
31. I simply can not wear flats.
32. Although I do wear flip flops in the summer.
33. Occasionally.
34. But they have to be very girly and cute.
35. Not plastic.
36. My favorite flip flops are a pair of Steve Madden's.
37. I bought them in La Jolla, California (outside San Diego) on a business trip.
38. I think kitten heels are a joke.
39. I have one pair of Prada, pointy-toed, kitten-heeled mules.
40. They're very cute.
41. But I feel like I'm frontin' when I wear them.
42. Kitten heels are for girls who can't hang.
43. I'm sure I'll eat those words one day when every disc in my back has completely deteriorated from years of abuse.
44. I have one pair of tennis shoes.
45. I rarely wear them.
46. I've had them for about 6 or 7 years but they're not worn out at all.
47. I wear them with jeans occasionally, when my back is hurting me.
48. When I do, people always say, "I didn't realize you were so short!"
49. I have a lot of back problems.
50. Doctors keep telling me to quit wearing high heels.
51. I'd rather be paralyzed.
52. I have 5 pairs of pink shoes.
53. I have one pair of red shoes.
54. I actually loathe red shoes.
55. But these are 4-inch, strappy, Via Spiga hookah shoes.
56. They're very sexy.
57. But most uncomfortable.
58. I have 4 pairs of Via Spigas.
59. They're the most uncomfortable shoes in my closet.
60. They suck actually.
61. I've made a decision never to purchase another pair.
62. No matter how cute.
63. Spigas are like the best shoes at Macy*s.
64. Macy*s is the only department store we have in town.
65. I used to buy shoes there a lot.
66. But now I prefer the boutiques.
67. Big Daddy got me hooked on expensive shoes.
68. I'm betting he regrets that now.
69. When I met him, I bought the cheapest of the cheap.
70. I was a waitress/college student who went for the Payless in order to have more.
71. He made me buy shoes at Macy*s.
72. I felt like a whole, beautiful new world had been opened to me.
73. Not unlike what some people describe in their near-death experiences.
74. Angels sang...
75. I do not own a pair of Manolos.
76. But I will someday.
77. I always try them on.
78. I want a pair of Jimmy Choo's, too.
79. But his designs are limited to black-tie gala shoes.
80. Not high on my priority, since the Prada pumps without hose do just as well.
81. I once bought a pair of $500 shoes.
82. They were so fucking beautiful.
83. Big Daddy threatened to divorce me if I didn't return them.
84. He said when I'm bringing home 100 grand a year I can buy myself $500 shoes.
85. I don't think $500 is excessive for good shoes.
86. I know I would wear them always.
87. I'm always concerned that people will think I'm copying Carrie Bradshaw, with her shoe obsession.
88. Truth is, I think she was copying me.
89. I wear high heels to the most unusual of places.
90. Like to football games.
91. Because really, there's no excuse for not looking chi-chi, right?
92. I've thought about starting some sort of charity walk where everyone has to wear high heels.
93. Surely there are girls out there like me that would get a kick out of that, no?
94. This list started out with the title "20 Things about Shoes."
95. But it kept growing.
96. Turns out I had a lot more to say about shoes than I thought.
97. I can't think of any other topic that I could write 100 Things about.
98. And yet, no one takes "Shoes" as a serious hobby.
99. Oh. My. God.
100. Can you believe I wrote 100 things ABOUT SHOES???

Friday, August 26, 2005

There is no way in hell I can limit my quirks to just five.

Sarah tagged me on this.

So I'll try to pick out the quirkiest of my "things." (I like to call them "things" or "weird things.")

1. Nothing, but nothing, should EVER touch my knee caps.
2. All the air should be squeezed out of ziplock bags before ziplocking them.
3. I can’t wear a watch when I type on a laptop.
4. When reading the paper, I begin on the front page, then go to the back page of the section and work my way forward. That’s how my dad read the paper, too.
5. Even though I consider myself extremely germ-conscious, I never use those paper toilet seat covers. I always just give the seat a quick swipe with toilet paper to make sure it’s not wet and then I sit my ass right down on it.

And that doesn't even get into all my food "things" and the fact that I only eat the middle and not the ends of food. I'll save that for another post.

Put your "things" in the comments. I need to know you're freakier than me.

Guess who just called me at my office?

My old CEO.


He wanted to check on me, make sure I was doing OK, that I liked my new job, that I'd landed on my feet, basically. He wasn't hoping to hire me back or anything. Just checking on me.

I called my friend back in the Communications Dept. to tell her. She said, "That is a real testament to your work here."

I said, "Yeah, could you casually leak it? Thanks."

Thursday, August 25, 2005

What makes a really, really BAD business trip?

Multiple Choice:
1. The airline loses your luggage and you have to wear the same suit for three days straight.
2. The client is high maintenance and constantly making demands on you.
3. You get stuck traveling with a crazy-ass co-worker.

We get ready to leave and she asks me if I have a preference about driving. I tell her that I don't mind driving if she wants me to and she says, "Good, because I don't like to drive someone else's car." (It was a RENTAL.)

So I drive all the way to Nashville - three hours. It was OK. (It's a pretty easy drive.) I hate riding in a car with someone I hardly know and feeling like you have to make conversation. But we did OK. We talked about people at work and our past jobs. I learn that she's 26 years old and still lives at home with her mom.

We got to Nashville and checked into the hotel. We went upstairs to check our emails but had some trouble with the internet service at the hotel. The rooms are nice though - huge suites. I say to her, "This is bigger than my first apartment!" And she says, "Well I haven't had a first apartment yet." Oh yeah.

We walked over to Broadway and had dinner at a brewery in the shadow of the Titan's stadium. At dinner I tell her the story of how I met Big Daddy. She says, "Oh, I could never make a move on someone, even if I already knew they liked me." I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She says, "I haven't had a boyfriend since high school." Youch. About halfway through dinner she rushes off to the bathroom, comes back and tells me she's sick. So we leave and go back to the hotel.

Once there, she asks me do I want to come to her room to watch TV? Which I thought was a little weird. I said, "Well, you know I've got to make these follow up calls to the media." And she says, "Is it OK if I come in there? I'll be quiet." Never in my years of business travel have I had someone ask to come hang out in my hotel room with me. Especially someone with diarrhea. It was very weird.

So she sat across the desk from me doing crossword puzzles and running off to the bathroom (MY BATHROOM!) periodically. Between calls, she would tell me how much she just wants her mom when she's sick. I ask if she wants me to go down to the gift shop in the lobby and get her some Imodiem or something. She says that she really just wants to call her mom and ask her to come over to Nashville and take care of her!! So I practically insist. "Come on, I'm a mom," I say. "I can handle this." Not really something I ever imagined saying TO A CO-WORKER.

So she says, "OK, but what are you going to buy? I can't swallow pills." Wha...? Then she decides to just come with me because she doesn't want to be left alone upstairs in the room.

Do you want to go back to that multiple choice question now?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The third week of school and guess what came home today?

Go ahead - guess.


I tell you, these public schools, they waste no time. Admittedly, they don't have a choice. You know, because our illustrious government, they're spending all our hard-earned tax dollars on this pointless war.

But still. God, I HATE the fund-raiser. I'd rather pay a huge tuition than have to sell shit to my friends.

I haven't had the nerve to open up the folder and see what lurking evil awaits me.

Monday, August 22, 2005

And the rest of the Therapy with Mother - Session Two Report

Doc: Kalisah, what would you like to see happen?
Me: I'd like for Mother to quit acting like a complete lunatic.
Mother: *looks shocked and confused*
Doc: Can you be more specific?
Me: I have plenty of stress in my life, and I don't need all her drama.
Doc: What drama exactly?
Me: blahblahblah
Doc: I sense a lot of anger in you. Mother, how do you feel about what she said?
Mother: I don't believe a word of it. She loved me when she needed me then she threw me away.
Doc: What behavior can your mother exhibit to help begin to tear down the wall between you?
Me: She can completely re-make herself into someone else.
Mother: I CAN'T DO THAT!!
Doc: So is it even worth having another session?
Mother: Well I can't be what she wants so this is pointless.
Me: SEE?? See the drama? How can we say after one session that this won't work. (*SHUT UP. SHE IS CALLING QUITS*) Of course I'm angry. Don't we at least have to get past the anger to know if there's hope? (*WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?? SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!)
Doc: So, do you want another session in one week? Two?
Me: Two. (*FUCK*)

Today's shocker from Therapy with Mother - Session Two

She's decided to go back to the Mormon church.

Great. That should make my life with her CONSIDERABLY EASIER. < /sarcasm>

She's decided to do this because 1) Everything in her life fell apart when she lost the church. That's when she started making bad decisions; and 2) After spending the week with my sister's kids, she realizes that - since THEY'RE THE ONLY FAMILY SHE HAS LEFT - it's important that she has in her life what is so important in theirs.

So Dooce, if you have any old friends in the Walnut Grove Ward, let me know and my Mother can tell them hi for you.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Weekend Update

My Kid has swimmers ear. Had it since Florida, I guess, since that's when he first started complaining about it. I just got around to taking him to the doctor today.

Sister's kids are here with my mother while the sister & her husband move. I'm assuming they're going to tell the kids where they moved to. Apparently the kids couldn't participate in the move b/c they both just had their tonsils out. It makes no sense to me, either.

Mother had to take her nanny-child to a party today, and she couldn't very well bring two extra, uninvited kids with her, so she took my niece & nephew to my brother's for the day. You might be wondering why the nanny-kid's own parents don't take him to a party on the weekend. My brother and I wonder the same thing, but we quit asking questions about the nanny-family a long time ago.

My Kid & I went down to my brother's since I thought he might want to spend some time with all his cousins.

And since I've been reading blogs like this and this and this, not to mention all the web sites challenging LDS faith, I get a little uneasy when my 12-year-old niece tries to get me to sing "Book of Mormon Stories" with her. It's so weird. Today she was telling my brother that beer is bad and "anything is better than beer" so I asked her, "Yeah? How about coffee?" just because I like fucking with her and her damn Mormon attitude that is full-on in overdrive and she hasn't even graduated from Primary yet.

Photos of the day soon. I forgot my camera, so I have to wait until SIL posts hers.

Friday, August 19, 2005

From now on, you must all leave me compliments like this in the comments

Hayley, from Australia, who I guess doesn't have a blog, or if she does she didn't want to leave it here on mine, compared my life to that of Kate Hudson's in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." She's my new best friend.

It's Multiple Choice

Let's say that it's Sunday and you've spent all day in bed recovering from a hangover. By late afternoon, you're starting to feel like you could eat something. You see a KFC ad on TV and realize that you absolutely have to have some. So, still dressed in your boxers and a tank, and without bothering to even put shoes on, you drive up to the nearest KFC. You figure you'll go to the drive-thru and it won't matter that you're wearing pajamas.

Only you get there and the drive-thru speaker isn't working! So you figure fuck it, you'll go inside (and hopefully not run into an ex!). You walk up to the door and there's a big "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" sticker. You walk back to your car to see if you have any flip-flops or even pedi shoes in the back seat. You don't. But you do find a pair of stiletto pumps that you just picked up from having re-heeled.

What do you do?

1. Defy the sign and take your chances going in barefoot.
2. Put on the pumps despite the fact that you're wearing boxers and a tank that you've been sleeping in all day and figure it just makes you look like Gwen Steffani.
3. Settle for a chicken sandwich at Sonic across the street.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Two Things

1. Thank you so much for all your supportive comments about the whole mother-relationship-counseling thing. I love how all my readers come out to play when things get icky.

2. When you walk by an office or shop window, are you compelled to look at your reflection in it?

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Counseling with Mother - Session One

If you missed all the previous dramas (and there have been many) let's have a quick overview, shall we?

1. August 2004 - Birthday dinner for My Kid at a nice Italian restaraunt. Mother shows up with that bratty-ass kid she keeps and ruins everything.
2. Sept 2004 - get that weird letter in the mail from Mother saying how she feels closer to my sister (who lives out of town) than to me & my brother (who live here). The weird part of the letter was that it wasn’t from her. It was TO her. She wrote to a friend about this, and when her friend wrote back suggesting she talk to us about it, she sent us her friend’s letter. Freak.
3. That same evening – I email her telling her she’s a freak. We argue through email for a few days then I get tired of it and tell her to fuck off.
4. Within the month – Big Daddy intercepts a letter that she's mailed to My Kid. I never find out exactly what’s in it but it’s enough to make him ban her from his life 4-evah.
4. Spring 2005 – I get a call from my sister. Mother’s husband is in the hospital. I go to the hospital. Mother acts all grateful. I’m like “whatever, I’m here. It’s the right thing to do.”
5. Within the month – her husband dies. I go to funeral. I thought it was big of me. Big Daddy freaks out and gently reminds me that My Kid is NOT ALLOWED around Mother.
6. After the funeral – I get a form letter “thank you” card from the funeral home. Or so I think. Turns out to be a hand-written note from Mother telling me how I shamed her and everyone at the funeral noticed how rude I was to her and I MIGHT AS WELL NOT EVEN EXIST AT THIS SCHOOL. I throw it away and consider all relations officially severed.
7. Last month – that crazy lady whose hellchild Mother keeps shows up at my own little special café when I was in there one evening after work. (My brother says, “Special little place you got there, huh?”) Bitch can’t mind her own business and I get a call at my new job the next morning from Mother asking me if I’ll go to counseling with her. “I’m not ready to give up on my family yet,” she says. In her ever so martyr-like way, she offers to pay if I go with her.

So now you’re all caught up.

Let’s face it, I have no big hopes or expectations for this. I could not be any more apathetic about my relationship with my mother. (I saw the counselor scribble on the pad when I used that word. I make his job so easy.) I don’t care if we speak. I don’t care if we don’t. And she’s brought that shit on herself, baby.

So here’s how Session One went:
First we filled out paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. Of course, I refused to sign away anything. Want to contact my primary care physician? Tough. Insurance info? N/A. Then it was time for each of us to have a few minutes of one-on-one time with the counselor. Who, big surprise, had a beard and glasses.

Mother offered that I should go first.

Doc: So why are we here?
Me: It was Mother’s idea.
Doc: What led up to this point?
Me: Well, we haven’t talked in months.
Doc: What happened?
Me: Which time?

I shared several events in our relationship. The rundown from above, with a few more details.

Doc: So, obviously a lot of things have gone on over the years…
Me: Oh no, this is just in the past year. There’s lots more.
Doc: What do you hope to get out of this?
Me: Beats the shit outta me.

Then it was Mother’s turn. I went and got some work out of my car so the time wouldn’t be wasted. And so my sister’s fat annoying kids would maybe entertain themselves and leave me the hell alone. (Note to sis: Quit feeding them carbs. Your kids are freaking giants. It’s not right.)

After Mother’s turn, we had a little bit of time in there together with Dr. Bear-face so he could lay down the ground rules: no scratching, no biting, no hair pulling. I walk in the room and of course Mother is crying. Dr. Fuzzy-wuzzy gives his speech and then asks if anyone has any questions. I roll my eyes. I know Mother is going to have a word.

Mother: *Sniff* “I just want to say that I will take complete blame for everything I have done and all that has happened over the years.” *Sniff* “I just want to know if there is hope for a family with three generations of mothers and daughters who do not know how to love.” *Sniff*
Me: *roll my eyes*
Doc: “Small changes can feel pretty darn good blah blah blah we’ll map out relationships for three generations back…”
Me: (oh great, homefuckingwork)
Mother: *SNIFF*

I guess there’s no reason to go on. You probably have a pretty good feel for the utter melodrama of the situation and the equally extreme DISDAIN I have for it all.

Irony of it all, I’m sitting now in my little café where it all began. If it weren’t for this place, I’d still be living a peaceful existence void of any maternal unit. Boris, another pinot noir!

Monday, August 15, 2005

My image of you is totally blown*

I just walked through the the living room to notice that My Kid & Big Daddy are watching a movie with subtitles!!!

Turns out it's Kung Fu Hustle

* - there's extra points if you can name the movie quoted in the post's title

You know what I just realized while watching a Friends rerun on TBS?

I can enjoy Marlo Thomas on television sooooo much more now.

In lieu of an actual post

here are some recent photos (sorry, none of the new improved shorter hair yet).

My friend bathes her GRANDDAUGHTER

She's practically MY AGE!!! (The grandmother...not the baby)

When they told me my room in San Antonio had a view of the famous Riverwalk...

...what they really meant was it had a view of some trees that shade the riverwalk.

It's good to be in Memphis

My Kid, thoroughly enjoying his Corky's Ribs

Mrs. Garner-Affleck must not be feeding him

because Ben looks like he's about to eat Matt's head for dinner.

Big Daddy in Lowe's

Filegirl was right - the store IS nothing but one big euphemism for sex.


This is me (center) making up to An (left) for missing her 30th birthday party, and Chica (right) trying to get my new agency to do some pro bono work for her Latino organization. Cheers!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Dude, what's that smell?

When I was in San Antonio I was thrilled to find that they have a Sephora there! So the afternoon before I left I grabbed a cab and headed over to this nice upscale mall. Where they also had a Saks. But I refrained from purchasing shoes.

I was quite disappointed to find that practically everything I found in Sephora that I liked was OUT OF STOCK. They were seriously lacking in stock. They did, however, have more than enough sales associates accosting you to ask, "Are you finding everything OK?"

What I did buy:
1. Paula Dorf Lip Color Sheer Tint in Baby Face (a very nice soft, natural every day lip color)
2. Paula Dorf lipstick in Rose Quartz (for a monochromatic look with...)
3. Sephora eye shadow in Iridescent All Over Color No. 54 I
4. Benefit Mr. Frosty eyeliner to brighten my eyes (great on over-hang days)
5. LORAC lip polish in Groovy Fruit (very fun!)

What I wanted but they were out of and I may or may not purchase from their web site depending on how pissed I am that they didn't have it in stock in the first place:
1. CHANEL Les Quatre Ombres in Les Mattes Divines
2. NARS the Multiple in South Beach (also sold out online, which tells me it's a fab summer bronzer)
3. Stila eyeshadow in Barefoot Contessa (also, what I wanted to be when I grew up)
4. Nars eyeshadow in Nepal

I also tried to tackle the whole fragrance issue. I know, you're thinking, "What fragrance issue?" Here's my fragrance issue: I haven't worn it in a while. The last thing I wore was Liz Sport that my MIL gave me for Christmas or some such occasion several years ago. It was OK but if I'm going to wear something I want to wear something totally chi-chi and worth my effort. And I've had a hard time finding something I like that also lives up to my high qualifications. (For instance, I LOVE my Michael Kors sandals, but his scent just doesn't do anything for me.) Then, too, I'm so torn about the purpose of fragrance, since you're not supposed to be able to actually smell it unless you're right up next to the person and nobody but Big Daddy gets that close to me anymore anyway. PLUS, there's no good places to purchase fragrance here because our shopping is so severely LACKING in this city, and of course I REFUSE to wear a scent that everyone else is wearing. Sephora has a great fragrance selection (even more online than in the store) but you can't exactly purchase cologne without smelling it first, am I right??

That's a lot of fragrance issues, don't you think?

I didn't end up purchasing any when I was in San Antonio, but I found a few I liked. Several options really.

I actually kind of liked Ralph Lauren Blue, which doesn't meet my "no one else is wearing it" qualification since I'm pretty sure I can purchase it here at Macy*s. But it smelled like something I could wear to work every day.

When I first met Big Daddy he used to wear "Sung Homme" by Alfred Sung, who has a new one out called "Hei" which smells really nice, and there's also a matching female fragrance called "Shi" which I actually kind of liked, and I thought maybe we could wear them both and coordinate our smells. Maybe. Is that gay? Or nice?

I very much liked the Marc Jacobs "Blush" which is the most expensive fragrance Sephora carries. Figures.

All I know is that whatever I wear must reflect me and my personality. And if I'm going to wear cologne I'll definitely need different scents for different occasions. One for work, one for casual weekend fun, one for formal special occasions. I'm just not sure I'm any closer to finding any of them.

What an Honor

So I'm watching ESPN (yes, I like sports. I mean, how else are you going to attract the boys??) and they're doing their 50 states in 50 days thing or whatever it is, and today they're in Tennessee.

And after the nice little video presentation on our Volunteer State they gave a few fast facts on Tennessee and here's a good one: Shelby County (home of Memphis) has MORE HORSES PER CAPITA than any other county in the country. Which is weird b/c I really never see them.

In the spirit of not burying the lead: I had 4 inches cut off my hair today.

It's still below my shoulders. Right below. Right kind of at-below my shoulders.

I'm sure you're wondering what brought this on. Yesterday I participated in my first pitch for a new client. It was a big deal. Where five of us sit up at the front of the room on stools and do a rehearsed presentation about our agency's capabilities.

I dressed in a khaki suit and a fushia tailored dress shirt with French cuffs. I hot-rolled my hair to give it some body and I was so disappointed with the results. It was just so big and so...much. It did not look professional at all. It didn't even look good for a non-professional situation. It was just big and all-around crappy. I ended up pulling it back in a ponytail and I called the salon on the way to the pitch and made an appointment for a cut.

He cut off 4 inches and he shortened my layers (it's stack-layered).

I'm not sure how I like it yet b/c I had him dry it and it's always so puffy when he blows it out. I'm sure it will be better when I fix it myself.

1. I can still pull it back in a ponytail.
2. I can put it up in a French twist (before, it used to flip back over again)
3. I can still wear it curly.
4. Or I can continue to straighten it.
5. I can hot roll it with decent results.
6. It won't take as long to dry.
7. It looks more professional.
8. But I can still make it fun & sexy, too.

1. I can't tie it in a knot like on the Pantene commercial
2. I won't be able to use it to cover my nipples when I dress as Lady Godiva for Halloween
3. I'll no longer be able to use my long hair to convince hot young cabana boys that I'm only 24.
4. Certain styles - such as the "I Dream of Jeannie" look - are out.

So you can see, there was no reason NOT to cut it. So off it came.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

They Make the Man

Our school district has adopted a new dress code this year. They toyed with the idea of UNIFORMS but luckily, no. The new rules say no tank tops, no belly shirts, shorts & skirts no more than 4 inches from the knee, no flip-flops. I'm OK with all that.

The WEIRD rule is the tucked in shirts thing. All shirts have to be tucked in and if there are belt loops, belts must be worn.

So they can still wear jeans and t-shirts, they just have to tuck in the shirt and wear a belt.

I'm sorry. This is not teaching them to be neat and tidy and responsible with their appearance. No, this is just teaching them REALLY BAD FASHION SENSE.

My Kid tried on his size 14 pants from last year, but they're too tight and too short. So I ordered him four more pair from the Old Navy web site in the next size up - a 16!! Keep in mind, the Kid's just now turning 12!

The box arrived yesterday and guess what? TOO SMALL. They're plenty long enough, but they're too tight. He'll outgrow them in a month. Which is weird, b/c he's never been a "hefty" boy. In fact, ask my Jewish MIL and she'll tell you how worried about him she is b/c HE'S SO DAMN SKINNY!

I noticed when we were at the beach that he's thickening around the middle a bit, but still. I'd guess he's about 5 feet tall and weighs maybe 100? You wouldn't think he'd need SIZE 18 PANTS. But that's what he's getting.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

How I embarrassed myself this morning

I realized when I started my new job that there's no Starbucks on my way to the new office. Then I discovered this charming little bistro on my way and I've been stopping there most mornings ever since. It's owned by a couple of East European guys that are really nice. I usually spend a few minutes talking to the guy in the mornings - about the news sometimes, or about business.

It's one of those situations where you kind of get to know someone without ever having an introduction so you never learn their name but then you're too embarrassed to ask because you feel like you should already know by now.

But occasionally when I'm out of cash I'll use a credit card, and I guess he saw my name on there. This morning he asked me, "How do you pronounce your name? Is it Kalisah?"

Most English-speaking people can't get it right, but he actually did.

I figured I could use this opportunity to reciprocate and thus find out his name. I mean, surely he had some difficult-to-say Rumanian name, right?

So I say, "And how's your's pronounced?"

And he says, "Boris."

Monday, August 08, 2005

We are mourning

It's hard for me to keep up with the news when I'm traveling, but I learned from another blog that Peter Jennings has passed. I can not even tell you how distressed I am.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Ready for take-off

Was allowed to board first as I was sitting in seat 2C, which is FIRST CLASS. Not really sure how that happened, as I don’t recall being asked if I wished to upgrade when I chose this seat online, but whatev. I’m sure that Northwest airlines just recognized a celeb in their mist when they saw one and made the necessary seat assignments.

I always wondered why a first class passenger would want to board first, only to have all those people pushing passed them and knocking them in the knee with their carry-on luggage. But now I know why: you have time to suck down a Bloody Mary AND use the restroom before the plane is even entirely loaded.

Plus, how much fun is it to sit in your big fat wide seat with your Prada pumps propped up on the foot rest, sipping your cocktail and giving the unwashed masses disdainful looks? It is SO MUCH FUN.

And, umm…isn’t it customary to tip a flight attendant in first class? I should think it would be. Hell, I tip anybody that’s bringing me FREE DRINKS. But this guy acted like I’d signed over my first born child. Jeez Louise, it was five bucks. Get a grip. Freak.

Friday, August 05, 2005

"I want a margarita and I want it now."

The last day in the office before I leave on a business trip is always so stressful for me. So much to finish before I go. Then I have a hard time actually LEAVING the office b/c I'm so sure that I'm going to forget something I need to do for, or take on, my trip. Like right now? I'm printing the news releases that I'll need while I'm there. And I always want to clean my office before I leave so that upon my return I'm pleasantly surprised at being able to actually see the top of my desk.

I'm going to San Antonio for a trade show. I like San Antone okay. Do you think it will be hot there? Ha ha I'm a funny girl. I always drink too much tequila when I go to San Antonio. And piss on the Alamo.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Thus guaranteeing my own permanent spot in the THP ticket book

Today I spent the day downtown doing video interviews. The Tennessee Chiefs of Police are in town for some sort of meeting, and several of them are winning national awards at the end of this month for their work on traffic safety. We’re going to be editing a video for the awards presentation in Nashville and so were interviewing the winners while they were here this week.

It was all by the book really, “Tell me what your agency has done to address the problem of occupant protection this year.” That’s the insider term for WEARING SEAT BELTS. Occupant protection. DUI is “impaired driving” and speeding is, well “speeding.” (Or, as my good friend Juan Montoya from Colombia used to say, "spitting." Of course, he also called passing a car "overtaking" but he is afterall a professional race car driver so I guess that's OK.)

I so wanted to break out a Samantha Bee on them during the interviews. But since I was interviewing the very top law enforcement officials in the state and I’m NOT ACTUALLY ON TELEVISION, I didn’t think I should risk it.

Kalisah Bee (tilts head imploringly to the right): “So Colonel, if I were to drive, saaay, 10 miles over the speed limit…would I REALLY pose a threat to anyone’s safety? Really? As long as I was wearing my seat belt?”

Tennessee Highway Patrol Colonel: “Miss, you are jeopardizing lives if you drive even one mile per hour over the limit. And don’t you forget it.”

Kalisah Bee (accusingly squints a bit at man in big hat): “OK, but what about 5 miles? 5 miles over the limit? 60 in a 55? That’s not really going to KILL anybody, now is it, Colonel?”

Colonel: “Miss, you do not want to see what I myself have seen on these here highways. Accident scenes are complete chaos. There is blood. Broken glass. Babies crying. You do not want to be the responsible party if I show up at your accident scene. Now I suggest you just ease up on the gas and drive the legal limit or you can expect to answer to me or one of my good men and women out there enforcing the law.” (Stands, adjusts gun belt, clears throat, clomps off set in heavy boots.)

Movie Madness

My Kid went with his friends to see "War of the Worlds" and was describing the aliens to me:

"They had these huge TESTICLES that they would reach out and grab people with..."

And I'm picturing aliens with huge testicles and that just really doesn't seem very Stephen Spielberg to me although it does kinda seem Tom Cruise seeing how he's completely gone off the deep end and he does afterall base every life decision on the fact that aliens are after us so why not aliens with big testicles?

Turns out he meant tentacles. They had big tentacles.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I'm it!

OK Girl (whom I adore, BTW) tagged me on this b/c she thinks I'm so friggin' funny although, more likely, she's just hoping I will put up a new post already.

So here it is: List ten songs that you are currently digging: it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

Well, I just did this once. And then when I hit "publish" I lost the post. So let's see if I can remember what I was listening to 30 minutes ago:

1. Speed of Sound - Coldplay
Great song. Powerful. Totally gets stuck in your head.

2. Beverly Hills - Weezer
Me & My Kid both like this song - probably for different reasons.

3. These Words - Natasha Bedingfield
I am so charmed by this song that I'm thinking of buying her CD. The video is terribly creative too.

4. Behind these Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
Hi, I'm Kalisah, I like Kelly Clarkson songs. (Hi, Kalisah!) I tried to quit, but they're just so damn catchy.

5. Lonely No More - Rob Thomas
Love the song, and ever since Helen called Rob Thomas' voice "vocal orgasm" I haven't been able to get sick of his music.

6. Holiday - Green Day
Because duh. I just got back from holiday. And I like saying "holiday" instead of "vacation." And it's a rocking song.

7. Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls
Because seriously, don't cha?

8. Just Breathe - Anna Nalick
This song is pure poetry. And it's so beautiful that it makes me miss my days in the band. B/c I really want to sing it. In front of people. B/c I'm an attention whore like that. Oh god, I just turned something beautiful into something cheap & tawdry.

9. Spitting Games - Snow Patrol
It was hard to pick just one b/c I'm totally jamming on this whole CD right now. But this is a pretty hip tune.

10. The Charmin Ultra "Less is More" Song
I caught My Kid singing along to this TV commercial on vacation and teased him that he watched way too much TV. But then we got hooked on it and we sang it all week. If you don't know the words, let me share:

When we say less is more, we mean less is more
More absorbent than the other leading brand, for sure.
What you used to love, now you're gonna adore.
Charmin Ultra, less is more!
Cha-cha-cha! Charmin!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Back to reality, oh there goes gravity

Number 1: My washer conked out halfway through the first of eight loads of dirty vacation laundry. (Didn't it do this to me the last time I came home from vacation?)

Number 2: There is not a lick of food in the house.

Number 2a: And my car is on E too.

Number 3: I had to get up at 6:30 this morning. Which came waaaaay earlier than it did before I went on vacay. I'm sure of it.

Number 4: I had a gyno visit today. Hi! Welcome home! Feet in the stirrups please...It took me six months just to get that appt. so I wasn't about to cancel it.

Number 4a: They made me step on the scale. And I ate my weight in french fries on vacation.

I'm sure things will pick up tomorrow.