Saturday, July 30, 2005

Good-bye, Florida

Our last couple days have been full of activity. Big Daddy & Kid went on their private fishing trip and that was a lot of fun. They caught a ton of fish.

I took the Kid over to this activity center at the resort. He jumped the Euro-Bungey, which is when they hook you up to a harness and huge rubber band thingies and then set up loose jumping on a trampoline. And he rode the huge waterslide. I sat in the shade and tried not to sweat but, failing that, drank margaritas.

The three of us played 18 holes on the putting dunes. Big Daddy & the Kid tied by winning 7 holes each. I won 4. Then we went over to Baytowne on the other side of the highway from our resort (it's all part of the same resort, actually. It's on the bay side, while we're on the gulf side.) Had dinner at Acme Oyster House - were so excited to see that one of our favorite New Orleans restaurants has opened a place here in Destin. Dude, Boo Fries! (Cheese fries with roast beef gravy.) It's really charming over there. If we'd known all those shops & restaurants were there we'd have visited it more.

It's been a great vacay. We've had so much fun and I do feel more relaxed. The last of the photos are here at flickr. See ya back at home!

Friday, July 29, 2005

A Walk On the Beach

Walked for an hour down the beach today and only stepped on three small children, not counting the one I had to hold down under the water in order to attract attention of sexy young lifeguard. Thought I might be losing my touch but then once the boy had been resuscitated, beach hunk noticed how well I wear my bikini top and asked for date. Of course, I had to decline and gave him a slap for trying to get fresh with married woman.

Condos and hotels along the beach seem to have weathered the hurricane well. Beach houses directly on the water didn't look so good. Lots of yellow tape preventing trespassing as houses are sitting cock-eyed on their foundations. Serves them right for owning massive beach homes and not inviting me to summer there.

New photos posted to flickr here.

And Big Daddy posted the shark video here.

Day Five Report

Rash on arms spread to wrists, shoulders and chest. Soooo ruining my perfect, enviable tan. Bought some "dry oil" sunscreen at the hotel store that's not supposed to clog pores. Refuse to give up last days of Florida sunshine. Figure Benadryl will make wiling away hours in the sun go by even faster.

Took My Kid back to the Track earlier in the evening so he could get some actual go kart driving time as opposed to standing in line time. Rode 5 times. Rode the last time with him. Wearing short skirt since am adamantly opposed to shorts and wear them only to wash the car. Skirts get shorter as legs get tanner, and this one was pretty short. Wind caused by driving go kart caused skirt to fly up and am afraid low-rise Body by Vicky thongs not providing much coverage in the girly parts area. May not be allowed to return to Track but luckily used up all our $2.75 tickets yesterday.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Postcard from the Beach - Day Four

Big Daddy & My Kid spent Day Four on a deep sea fishing trip. My Kid caught a shark. No shit. There's new photos at flickr but unfortunately, none of the shark. You're not allowed to actually bring sharks and pirananhas onto the boat. Huh. No damn fun.

I spent Day Four at the hotel. Nursing a hangover. Funny how those rum punches kinda sneak up on you when you're sucking them down in the sunshine.

Today an unfortunate blistery rash has appeared on the inside of my arms. I don't know if it's the sun or the heat, but it happens to me every year. Big Daddy foolishly recommended that I increase my spf usage on the rash to something in the triple digits. Ha! Silly man. Like I would sacrifice a perfect and even tan for a little skin health.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Beach: Day Three

It's 8:30 p.m. local time and I'm sitting on my 13th floor balcony, sipping a nice Shiraz and munching on microwave popcorn, awaiting the fireworks which will explode over the gulf in about an hour. It just doesn't get any better than this, does it? From my perch I can see the white caps on the beach and the knots of people with flashlights searching for sand crabs. Our hotel charges $9.95 a day for wireless, but from this height I can pick up someone in the condos next door for free. Thanks, Riggs, whoever you are.

I am sorry to report that I am being stalked at the pool by a trio of tots who appear to be 16, but were overheard gossiping about a fellow traveler saying "That's sooo high school" so I must assume that they are in fact in college. One is brunette and sadly, quite plain. Another is blonde and terribly fat although she seems not to realize it. The third has long dark hair and is fairly attractive, if one can overlook the fact that she insists on speaking considerably louder than anyone else in her group at the pool.

No less than six tanned and toned young men with their boxers showing above their tan lines surround this group at any given time. Obviously Miss Loud Mouth is so threatened by my mature sexiness at the pool, that she must wear a new and different bikini each day in order to compete with the attentiveness of these suitors who are so obviously enamored with me that their hopes of spending even a single moment in my presence bring them down day after day to our hotel pool.

Sorry, I have no new photos today. But My Kid went shopping yesterday at the Kenneth Cole outlet shop, and this person that we brought with us on vacation seems to have transformed into some teenager that I do not know. He bought long-sleeved, fashion tops that he is now INSISTING ON WEARING OUT EVEN THOUGH IT'S 110 DEGREES F.

He also bought two pairs of Sketchers which apparently now trump the $30 plastic Crocs I bought for him at the beginning of the summer that he just HAD TO HAVE and wouldn't consider leaving the house with anything else on his feet. The crocs were, in fact, the only shoes he brought with him to Florida.

*sigh* I brought my child with me on vacation; I bring home a fashion model.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Beach Weather: 114 Degrees F Heat Index

So far, so good. No sunburn and no storms. So we're way ahead of last year's trip.

On the way down, we stopped to eat at the Conestoga Steak House in Hattiesburg, Miss. There was more make up and hair spray in that restaurant than in the whole city of Memphis. Accross from us sat a couple, about 60. He was in his boy scout uniform. Drinking a big glass of milk with his steak. I'm not kidding. I wanted to take a picture for you but I'm not any good at discrete camera phone usage yet.

Two things you can always count on at the beach:
1. The Bad News: no matter what day you arrive on, everyone else will already have five days of suntan, leaving you to look pasty as the pillsbury dough boy out there.
2. The Good News: no matter how bad you think you might look in your bikini, there will be a LOT of other women MUCH BIGGER THAN YOU parading around in them.

Four things I refuse to do while on vacay at the beach:
1. Wear a watch. (I didn't even bring mine.)
2. Wear a bra.
3. Wear base make-up and powder.
4. Straighten my hair.

I'm posting from Big Daddy's laptop, so go here to flickr to see photos.

Friday, July 22, 2005

I had the bikini wax FROM HELL today

If that makes you uncomfortable then read no further. Well, no. Scroll down to the end of the post for the joke. The joke is worth it.

So here's a hint to those of you thinking to skip your next bikini wax: DON'T. Oh my freaking god, that shit HURTS when it's long. Seriously. That was the most painful shit ever in the history of my Brazilian wax/root canal/giving birth history. For real. I screamed. I cried. I begged her to stop. And bless her heart, the woman worked up one hell of a sweat.

I dropped her a big tip and ran off to the nearest bar for multiple shots of tequila.

Where I met Moses, an old black man who told me about this funeral he'd just attended. The man had insisted on being buried with all of his money. At the funeral, Moses spotted the wife and asked her, "How can you be so happy? You're burying your husband, and you're burying all your money along with him!"

She smiled and said, "Yes, that's true."

He said, "How can you be so happy then? You have no husband and you have no money??"

And she said, "Yes, I buried him with all his money. But I WROTE HIM A CHECK."

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Way more than you were expecting when you sauntered in a for a simple chai latte

I worked at the office until nearly 8 tonight. Because here's the thing: if you've only been on a job six weeks and you expect to take off a week for vacation, even if you told them before they hired you that you'd be taking this week off, you still have to finish just A TON of work before you leave.

Especially if you want to have a job when you return...and you want to return to that job with the respect of your co-workers for not only your enviable tan but also for the way that you left your clients for a week with absolutely nothing to want. If you have aspirations like that, then you work 12- or 15-hour-days the week before you leave.

So I left the office around 8. My Kid, he's been over at his buddy's house playing Halo 2 since about 4:30. Nothing to worry about there. He'll start ringing me when he gets hungry. Because that's all mothers of 12-year-olds are good for, you know. Providing sustenance. And money. And balances on the iTunes account.

So I promise My Kid I'll bring him food home. Dinner, you know. Kids today...they expect all kinds of shit. But I'm not so much in the mood for McDonald's since I'm going to spend all of next week IN A BATHING SUIT. So I stop at the little tapas cafe on the way home where I regularly get my morning lattes. A nice asparagus cheese pita and a chai latte ought to get me through the work I've got facing me for the rest of the evening.

I consider bringing in my laptop and continuing the neverending cycle of work I'm trying so hard to get ahead of, but figure no. I'll zip in and out. I can use a few minutes to relax. No sooner do I come in and sit at the counter then a familiar face appears outside the front window. Oh holy shit. That's my mother's boss.

You know...the woman who gave birth to me 38.6 years ago. The one who hasn't talked to me since the funeral of her husband which I so SELFLESSLY ATTENDED and yet she still had the tenacity to send me a card the following week which I foolishly thought was one of those direct mail "thank you's" from the funeral home but turned out instead to be a hand-written note from my very own mother admonishing me for "ignoring" her at the funeral and how pitiful it was that EVERYONE IN ATTENDANCE noticed what a HORRIBLE, AWFUL DAUGHTER I was even though, I thought, it was pretty big of me to attend the whole thing in the first place since the man wasn't my father and I couldn't stand him or any of his relatives.

Or mine either, as it turns out.

Yeah, so THAT woman who gave birth to me. She works as a nanny and frankly, her complete and utter devotion to the hellchild she keeps is part of the conditions by which I am unable to love her any longer.

So I'm just about to order something for myself, and I see this face outside the window that I recognize. And I say (apparently out loud), "Oh, holy shit. That's my mother's boss."

And there's one guy in the cafe with a laptop and he's looking at me kinda weird. Because I start saying, "Go away! Don't come in here!" and trying to shoo her off from the front door.

And he says: "I don't think she's your mom's boss...she works with me."

Oh how fucking complicated can one cafe visit get???

So then I explain to him, "My mom's a nanny. She keeps her brat kid."

And then SHE COMES IN.



And I'm all, "So much for my relaxing chai latte."

And I go get my laptop from the car afterall, b/c I'm thinking that this is a blogging opp that simply CAN NOT BE MISSED.

Eventually, once they've ordered and sat down, they must realize who I am, b/c I catch them looking at me A LOT while I type away.

The kid? Not quite such a hell-raiser as he was the last time I had to encounter the brat, but the parents sure were high strung about his behavior. I'm thinking, if you really were that strict all the time, he wouldn't be such a shit.

Did I ever tell you the story of how this kid LOCKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE? Oh yeah. Once, when I was at work at my old job, my mother called me all whacked out of her mind on prescription painkillers and said that she'd just had oral surgery and was on all kind of drugs.

Of course she wasn't calling to share her bounty with me, she was calling b/c she was whacked out of her head and couldn't be responsible for her charge AND NEEDED ME TO LEAVE MY PAYING JOB TO COME TAKE CARE OF THIS BRAT WHO CALLED HER "NANNY."


God, posts about my mother can get LONG, can't they?

So, being the responsive, if somewhat put-upon, daughter, I left MY PAYING JOB to go watch her hell child so that SHE could get PAID FOR SLEEPING IN THE BACK BEDROOM IN A PERCODAN-INDUCED COMA.

And here's the thing, I have a bit of a background in childcare. The only job I held in high school was babysitting. And my first two years in college, I worked in a day care.

So I'm fairly prepared. Or so I think.

Until this little motherfucker LOCKS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

That's right. I'm trying to entertain him and I take him outside to play. If I remember correctly, it's late winter/early spring and not all that balmy outdoors. But I'm doing my best to amuse this young man...until he starts insisting on digging up the front beds. I did my best to distract him but to no avail. Eventually, my insistence became too much for him, and he stormed off into the house, leaving me to pick up all of his plastic gardening tools from the front yard. Which I conscientiously did.

And then I went back inside.

Or I tried to, anyway.

Here's the thing.

(I may have said this already.)

The little motherfucker had LOCKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Never, but never in my life or anywhere in my child-keeping or even my child-rearing career, has any child ever locked me out of the house.

I mean, the good news is, my mother was whittling away the hours in the back room under the influence of some good Rx. So all I had to do was ring the doorbell about 89 HUNDRED TIMES and eventually she woke up and let me in the house. At which point I tried to put the spawn of satan into time-out but unfortunately his overly protective nanny didth protest too much.

So the little shit went unpunished. So there you have it. A pretty good impression of my mother and her most beloved non-grandchild.

Oh hell. The main point is: I'M GOING ON VACATION NEXT WEEK. FUCK ALL!!!

Follow up 7/21: Well, I could see THIS coming from a freaking mile away...Mother called me today. At work. At my new job. She offered to pay for the counseling if I would go with her so that we can work through our problems. "I refuse to give up on my family," she says. I say hey, whatever gets her the help she needs. If she wants to sit in a room with a third party so that I can list out every sick and twisted thing she's done then I can do that I guess.

You know what???

Oh my god, ya'll! I only have one-half day of work left and then I GO ON VACATION!!!

(And for some reason, that turned me into Britney Spears.)

I heard...

That Lindsey has returned to red. Anyone seen a photo?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I know who died, but who made YOU boss?

So I'm sitting here working and watching this INXS Rock Star show which I've only ever seen once before but I have read a bit about and I'm wondering:

How is it that Dave Navarro gets to chose the next INXS singer???

"We just want drugs to give our children."

As quoted by a doctor at my former place of employment in USA Today

OK, I know, I know...she was talking about how difficult it is to get drugs for kids with cancer. Which I can't agree more with how greedy the pharm agencies are - they refuse to make drugs that are PROVEN TO SAVE KIDS LIVES because there isn't enough profit in it. Not enough kids get neuroblastoma, afterall. There's a special place IN HELL for those pharm companies.

Still, it's a funny quote.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

You know what happens when it rains in Memphis, don't you?

Well, first of all, people start driving like complete idiots. And there's lots and lots of wrecks. Maybe even a bit of road rage. Then, on really special days, like today, some of the roads flood. Like the one I drive to get home. And then also some of the traffic lights go out. Or all of them even. So traffic is a complete disaster and folks like me who thought I'd wait out the storm GET STUCK AT THE OFFICE UNABLE TO LEAVE.

Big Daddy left work at 4. It's now 6:30 and he's just making it home. THAT'S how bad the traffic is. He called me and said, "Don't even try to leave yet." So, here I am. STILL AT WORK.

Luckily, there's cold beer in the fridge.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Public Service Announcement

Everyone please drop by jozjozjoz for pictures of SAM, the world's ugliest dog. Really. Do it. It'll be worth it.

Holy shit, I'm raising Danny Zucco

My Kid came to the office with me for a couple of hours this morning. Luckily, we have a PS2 back in the creative dept and a pool table in the lunch room, so he's good.

I got him set up on the video game, playing a driving game. He was racing through the streets of Manhattan driving a yellow cab, which I thought was kind of weird.

Later I went back to check on him, and he was racing some big hoopty. I said, "Oh, you're out of the taxi?" and he said, "I race for pinks."

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Three things about this post: 1) I stole if from Snidge, 2) It's all about me, and 3) You should do it next

Three things you like about yourself:
1. I'm smart.
2. I can sing.
3. And I have good hair.

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. My legs are about 6 inches too short.
2. I have a myriad of back problems.
3. And I desperately wish I had a flat stomach.

Three things that scare you:
1. Car accidents
2. Sharks on my beach
3. And rodents of any size, shape, or color, but especially rats.

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. Internet
2. Neutrogena lip balm
3. And bottled water

Three things you are wearing now:
1. Jeans
2. Black tank top
3. And my glasses

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists:
1. Tom Petty
2. The Eagles
3. And Harry Connick Jr.

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. Space
2. Respect
3. And support

Two truths and a lie:
1. I only wash my hair once a week.
2. When I was a kid my parents had to take me to the emergency room b/c I stuck a raisin up my nose.
3. And I missed my high school graduation b/c of an emergency appendectomy.

Three physical things that turn you on:
1. Six-pack abs
2. Cool hair
3. And good skin

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Reading
2. Blogging
3. And doing crossword puzzles

Three things you really want to do right now:
1. Sleep
2. Get a massage
3. And mark off about seven items from my work To Do list.

Three careers you'd consider:
1. Rock Star
2. Image consultant
3. Or a personal shopper

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Italy
2. France
3. And to the Netherlands to see Shelley

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Attend a Democratic National Convention
2. See a Broadway play
3. And own a beach house

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Doing a brisker business than the Starbucks

This morning I went to Barnes & Noble to buy some reference books for work (read: thick, heavy tomes). When I went to pay, I found myself in line behind about 30 people, each and every one of whom was holding the new Harry Potter book. Three cashiers worked frantically to keep up.

You would THINK that Barnes & Noble would have expected - or at least guessed - that they would be selling a few books this morning. You would THINK they would have every employee on the payroll up there checking people out. You would THINK my back would have stopped hurting by now from standing in that long line holding all those heavy books.

PS - Yes, I bought the H.P. book too.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Here's what you can expect from a big night out in the 'Burbs

This new restaurant opened near our house. It's a steak house whose original location we have frequented often. This new location out in our suburb has been "Opening Soon!" for a couple of weeks now. Wednesday, we noticed the sign had changed to "Now Open!" So tonight we went in. It was packed. I think it's going to do great business out here.

After we ate, Big Daddy wanted to walk down to the other end of the strip mall to get some coffee. I was all, "I don't think that's a coffee place." He was all, "Sure it is!" I'm like, "No, it's like a Christian music place." He's all, "No, really." So I'm like, "OK" and we start walking down there. A couple doors down, we come to the Radio Shak door and Big Daddy wants to go in and spend irrational amounts of cash on some computer and/or video game accessories. Since I can't imagine a more miserable shopping experience, I head down to the "coffee shop" instead.

Turns out, it's really not a coffee place. It's called FAITH MUSIC and Friday evening it hosts a LIVE BAND. The place is packed with folks of all ages in for their christian music fix. Old folks. Pre-teens. A guy in a fedora. Four middle-aged women in a group hug. I got myself an overpriced latte and a sneak photo.

Pop Christian trio hits the big time on the suburban strip mall circuit.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Movies I am so excited to see, that I'll probably venture out amongst the unwashed masses to see them the very day they're released

1. Charlie & the Chocolate Factory
can. not. wait.
2. March of the Penguins
this may just be the coolest thing ever

Movies that I'll probably see, sooner or later
1. Hustle & Flow
it was filmed in Memphis
2. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I thought the book was rather charming
3. Must Love Dogs
we're about due a decent romantic comedy, don'tcha think?

Movies that I will try to avoid b/c I'm pretty sure My Kid is gonna try to drag me to them:
1. Rebound
haven't I reached my quota on kinda-cute, sports-related kid movie yet?
2. Bad News Bears
Seriously, I refuse to see remakes of movies I REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL OF
3. Wedding Crashers
*rolling eyes*

Movies I've already managed to avoid despite his & Big Daddy's best efforts:
1. Fantastic 4
did I tell you that Big Daddy met Julian McMahon in his San Francisco hotel lobby?
2. War of the Worlds
oy, Tom Cruise. Don't get me started.
3. Cinderella Man
spare me yet ANOTHER boxing movie
4. Star Wars
or whatever that was
5. Herbie Fully Loaded
See "Bad News Bears" above
6. Longest Yard
uh, no. I was only 8, for pete's sake. I'm not THAT old.
7. Mr & Mrs. Smith
I'm sorry, but your film appears to be missing A PLOT

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

A personal message to my old friend that I've been too busy to contact lately (You know who you are)

I don't mean that YOU'RE old, only that you're one of my oldest friends here in town.

Which is why it's completely unacceptable that I have hardly spoken to you since I started my new job. I want you to know that I've got the two pictures of us from New Years Eve 1999 on my desk - the one of us together and the one of you with our "Carpe P.M." sign that you stole in Orlando. I think about you all the time.

I've just been working so much. And Big Daddy's been traveling every week of this month, so I'm rushing home to take care of My Kid...oh, it's no excuse really. I promised you I wouldn't leave you and yet I've been a horrible awful friend.

So this is my feeble attempt to say hi, and I miss you and soon. Soon we'll get together and talk like we used to. Oh jeez, ARE YOU CRYING???

Young Melanie?

Help me out here: I was reading this article in USA Today about some of the kids starring in this summer's movies. And it said that Dakota Fanning was in "Sweet Home Alabama," which I totally do not remember any kids in that film, so I hustled over to IMDB and looked it up and it said that she played the Young Melanie. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Someone that's seen the movie a thousand times refresh my memory. Or maybe she ended up on the cutting room floor?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

My new desk came today!

I'm so excited. I now have my very own office space at home. It's a great desk, isn't it?? We got it on sale for a great price, too.

On the wall: my beloved Super Bowl XVII print. Washington 27, Miami 17 (1983). Anyone want to guess who that is, running with the ball, dragging the other player?

Sunday, July 10, 2005

If I had stayed Mormon, they would have totally kicked me out of the Relief Society for this.

Remember the broad dough that I let rise overnight instead of for 45 minutes? Well I tried again today. I swear to god, what with all the cleaning and now COOKING you'd think I was nesting or something. Do women nest when they're not pregnant? Yeah - don't even go there, bitch.

So anyway, I think I followed all the directions pretty thoroughly. I mentioned this was from a mix, right? I mixed, I kneaded, I let rise, I pounded down, I shaped into a loaf, I let rise again, and I baked. The damn thing wasn't in the oven 10 minutes when I started smelling smoke. Like something was burning. And I was all the way upstairs in my bedroom. I figured it was probably just something spilled on the bottom of the oven, but went to go check anyway. Downstairs the smell was really strong and I knew something was wrong.

Apparently, one should bake bread on a very LOW rack in the oven, lest it rise so high that the upper heating coil (which, hello? I didn't even know was hot unless the broiler was on.) burns an indention the size of a man's finger into the top of the loaf. Oops.

My Kid said, "We don't really have any luck with bread." Smart kid that one.

I finished cooking the bread. Tried a nice warm slice with butter. It tasted like cardboard. So much for lowcarb bread mix.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Cleanliness is next to impossible

I wish I were one of those women who keeps a spotless home. I wish my house was ready to be open to guests at any time. Truth is, I'd be embarrassed and humiliated to let someone into my house most days. Unlike Snidge, I don't clean when I'm stressed. I much prefer drinking and sleeping. In that order. No, my house stays a mess most of them time. I had a hard time accepting that for about the first 10 years of marriage. Now I'm just too tired to care most days.

For starters, I live with two boys. And I haven't raised one of them well. I'm afraid he's taking after his dad more than me. The both of them just drop their shit any old place. On any given day you can find glasses and food wrappers and socks and shoes and other clothing items cluttering up my living room. I try to keep it somewhat under control. I try to make My Kid clean up after himself once in a while.

The thing of it is, we can totally afford a housekeeper - someone to come in once a week and do the grunt work - clean the bathrooms, dust, mop the floors. We just haven't for any number of reasons, including: 1) how do you find someone you can trust to come into your home when you're not there? 2) you have to pick up the clutter so the housekeeper can clean and no one in this house seems to want to take on that task 3) my husband is still under the impression that if he waits long enough, I'll do it eventually.

When I clean, it's crying Uncle. This is me saying, "OK, I get it. If I don't do it, it won't get done." That was today. At some point this week I looked around me and I realized that every single room in my house was a complete disaster area. It takes a lot of coffee to attack that. But it's better now. Liveable. At least if a neighbor popped in and I said, "Sorry for the mess" they'd think, "Yeah, that's cool. She works a lot. She probably doesn't have time to dust." instead of "Whatever. You can't even apologize your way out of this clutter."

Sidebar, Come home!

Well, I took out all my posts with photos in them b/c Sarah suggested that one of them might be messing up the page. But alas, no success. Blogger Status reported that the coding for their new Blogger Images caused some users "annoying layout problems," but their solution to disable the float alignment didn't help either. *sigh*

Update: I took out EVERY SINGLE POST FROM THE ENTIRE MONTH OF JULY. And my layout looked fine. So I added back just this one.

Let's see what happens...