Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Last minute planning

We leave tomorrow for the reunion. I have sooooo much to do. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I have to make LISTS.

Errands To Run After Work:
1. Mani & pedi appointments
2. Return shoes
3. Pick up Alumni Directory booklets from Kinkos
4. Buy one more box of name badges
5. Tan
6. Pick up Rx

To Do When I Get Home:
1. Laundry (wash white pants!)
2. Print out the rest of the name badges
3. Pack

Things To Pack:
1. White skirt
2. pink bra top
3. pink sandals
4. White pants
5. Black shirt from the Republic
6. Pink camisole top
6a. silver necklace
6b. pink drop earrings
7. Pink shoes
8. flowered miniskirts (both of them)
9. pink tanks (all of them)
10. white tanks (2)
11. jeweled thongs
12. cocktail dress
13. new shoes
14. quartz necklace
14. pink capris
15. name badges!!
16. alumni directories!!

Oh my god, I am so overwhelmed.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

How cool

Last night I was listening to NPR's "Fresh Air" on the way home from work. Teri Gross was interviewing pianist & cabaret singer Bobby Short. She asked him to describe his first night at The Carlysle in NYC and he said, "You know when I arrived here, the nightlife was beginning to ebb..."


Monday, June 28, 2004

Me...20 years ago Posted by Hello

Reunion Countdown

I have been so busy the past couple days I haven't even had time to post. I've been working on stuff for the reunion. I scanned in everyone's senior class portrait and am making name tags out of them. Ha ha ha. I'm also working on an alumni directory to hand out at the reunion. And I'm no graphic designer, so trying to get it all to lay out in the proper order has been a real bitch.

I've been so busy today I never even stopped to eat lunch. Which is probaly a good thing b/c I'd LOVE to lose 5 lbs. before Friday. The reunion is all I can think about. And I literally get butterflies thinking of it. I'm so excited.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Camera phone calling

Everyday, I see something that makes me think, "If I had a camera phone, I would take a picture of that."

Today, I was out doing a little shoe shopping (a girl can never have too many high-heeled pink shoes!) and I saw this girl with a tattoo on her lower back. It was a pair of eyes, complete with eyebrows and the bridge of a nose. It was peaking out over the back of her pants. It was the freakiest tattoo I've ever seen.

A house full of boys

My Kid's got three friends spending the night. The twins, plus one other kid from down the street who I think may actually be boarderline retarded. Four 11-year-old boys all talking at the same time are VERY LOUD, in case there was any question. This is why I didn't have more than one child. All these kids make me want to drink.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Fahrenheit 9/11

Go see it.

on Presidential Fellatio

OK, here's the thing about Bill & his book: I like Bill. I voted for Bill. Twice. But I just don't want to know. I'm not gonna buy it. I'm not going to borrow it. I'm not even going to check it out from the public library. Not that I'm afraid my image of him will be totally blown. I'm just not interested in tell-all books. I don't care if you're a former president or a former hooker. It's all TMI for me.

I had hoped that Ms. Lewinsky would stay on the down low with all this book madness. But apparently not. She's gone & done an interview with a British newspaper. And bless her heart, the poor girl's deluded.

"I really didn't expect him to go into detail about our relationship" in the memoir, she said. "But if he had and he'd done it honestly, I wouldn't have minded. ... I did though at least expect him to correct the false statements he made when he was trying to protect the presidency. Instead, he talked about it as though I had laid it all out there for the taking. I was the buffet and he just couldn't resist the dessert," she was quoted as saying.
Now granted, Bill did not have to go and say that the reason he had an affair with her was "because I could." Even though it's probably true. But she STILL seems to think there was some great love connection between them. Your 15 minutes is over, Mon. Just go away. Please.

Cynical Joe needs this shirt Posted by Hello

And the answer is...

Whenever someone says to Cynical Joe, "Can I ask you a question?" He always responds, "42." He says it's the universal answer. So I'm getting him this shirt.

Kerry 4 Prez

The winning t-shirt designs are up at Designs on the White House. Go on over & take a look and order a shirt! All proceeds will benefit the Kerry for President campaign.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Me, I care more about the BORN

Ever since they started construction on part of the highway by my office, I started getting off at an earlier exit and driving through a part of town that not a lot of white girls will drive through. It's not a big deal to me. I just don't buy into the idea that all black people are dangerous and just waiting to rape me, kill me and steal my stereo. Anyway, I drive with my doors locked no matter what neighborhood I'm in. So no big deal.

At one major intersection in this part of town there's this bench painted with the message "JESUS LOVES UNBORN CHILDREN." And it just annoys the hell out of me. I always want to come by with a can of spray paint and replace "unborn" with "welfare." Mac had a post yesterday about how the pro-lifers don't seem to care much about what happens to the baby once it's born.

You don’t see anti-abortion protestors making any noise at all when a three month old baby is abused and then left to die by his parents. He was born, and that’s all any of them seem to care about. The kid is on his own when he leaves the womb. That’s not their jurisdiction.
That's what annoys me so about the message on that bench. This is a neighborhood of extremely poor, mostly black people. Certainly I am NOT saying that they shouldn't have kids because they're poor or black. Not what I mean at all. Just that I'd hate to see some poor pregnant teenage girl having a baby she can not afford and starting the child out on a cycle of poverty and welfare because JESUS LOVES UNBORN CHILDREN.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


People say the stupidest things. Here are some of my favorites:
1. "I did not want to get up this morning." By this, am I to assume that most mornings you simply can not wait to bound out of bed?
2. "I hate needles." And that makes you special because...everyone else LOVES them??
3. "I hate going to the dentist." Mmmm, not me. I make extra appointments to go in and get shots in my gums and have them drill on my teeth. It's the best part of my day.
4. "I couldn't find my keys this morning, and wouldn't you know they were the last place I looked." Especially eye-rolling to me, because of course they were the last place you looked. Once you found them, you stopped looking, right?
Perhaps you have some favorites of your own.

55,000 Baptists

Oh Joy.

More than 55,000 National Baptist Convention delegates and visitors are in Memphis this week for their annual meeting.

They are everywhere downtown, identifiable by the red ID badges dangling from their necks. So many different license plates are represented, you halfway expect to see some from Alaska and Hawaii. Trolleys were so full that arms and heads dangled out the windows.

I'm sorry...what'd you just say to me??

Last night we took the movies back to Blockbuster and told them that something was wrong with the Monster DVD. The guy behind the counter says, "Yeah, we have more problems with Monster than any other movie."

OK, I'll bite. "Why is that?" I ask. "I guess they formatted it so that it only plays well on high-end DVD players," he says.

Big Daddy kinda laughs and says, "What're you saying?"

And the fucker says, "I'm just saying that it won't play on a $20 DVD player."

I'm sorry, wha...?

I just raised one eyebrow and said to him in a voice that suggested he might need to work on his customer service skills, "We don't have a $20 DVD player."

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Celebrity News

Let's see...Liv Tyler and Clydia Schiffer are both having babies. And Mary Kate Olsen has checked herself into a treatment center for an eating disorder. Turns out Ben Affleck is a better poker player than he is actor. Cameron Diaz has decided that she's ready to settle down with Justin after just saying on Oprah that she had no intentions of ever getting married. And Britney Spears ran over a photographer. Well, technically her mother was driving.

Just some of the news we're following today.

Getting to Know Your Friends

Stolen from Mikal, who got it in an email:

I'm not wearing pants. I'm wearing a khaki skirt. That sounds really preppy, but it's not.
the a.c. vent over my head
cheese and fruit for lunch
why, pink
it's clearing up a bit. It's probably reallllly humid though.
Some lady trying to get me to buy advertising space in her magazine.
nobody sent them to me. I stole them.
one of each
Monster (partial); Love, Actually (entirety)
any that I'm on vacation
roller skates
beats me
mint, citrus (lime), lavendar
the wind
losing or breaking my teeth (Seriously. I have nightmares about it all the time)
BMW convertible
cali lilly
I have no idea. Probably went out to eat

Little Darlings

Poor Joelle is suffering from some wild childs in her neighborhood this summer. Now, you know I have a kid of my own, and I know My Kid has his faults. And when he was younger, he'd throw an occasional tantrum in public. It happens. I'm not deluding myself. But I was lucky. He was (and still is) a very well-behaved kid. I don't really take any credit for that.

My thing is...I CAN'T STAND when I'm out somewhere (say, the mall, or a restaurant, or in line at the grocery store) and some kid is acting up and HIS PARENT IS COMPLETELY IGNORING HIM. I find myself grinding my teeth it annoys me so. Eventually, it gets to the point that an employee of the establishment must correct the child in an attempt to avert the frivolous lawsuit that will surely be filed when said hell's spawn falls off the counter top(or dessert cart, or candy display) they're climbing all over. I don't understand how parents can be so completely oblivious to their children's behavior.

Then, by the time the kids are pre-teen and teen-aged, they're going to movies and interrupting the entire show by talking, nay, yelling during the movie, running up and down the steps and just generally making nuisances of themselves. It's gotten to the point that we can't even go to the movies on Friday or Saturday night because we live in the suburbs, and apparently, kids that grow up in the burbs are not intimidated by adults the way we once were. No amount of glaring looks, shushes, or complaints to the management does any good.

It's gotten so that I can hardly stand to go out amongst the unwashed masses.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Oh, shit.

College Boy just told us that he's moving to Nashville.

I guess he's not happy here. He finished school and he's got himself a half-ass job. He's decided that if his dad's going to pay his way, he'd rather try to make it in Nashville. (Little did I know that he had a full time job and his dad is STILL paying his way.)

So I guess we're going to sell the other house. I don't see why not. Big Daddy, he's all wrapped up in a lot more serious considerations. I don't know, taxes and shit. Plus, he's probably stressing over the fact that his only friend is leaving town.

I forget that we own two houses. Surely selling it will relieve some pressure on us, on Big Daddy. It's a great neighborhood for starter houses. Houses by the university don't stay on the market long. So I'm sure we'll sell it and all will be well. Then we can take the $$ and buy a BEACH HOUSE IN FLORIDA.

Yeah, right.

Monster performance

Tonight I rented the movie "Monster." Half-way into it, the DVD fucked up and I wasn't able to finish it. Maybe that's a good thing.

Seriously, that movie was hard to watch. I don't do well with violence in general. But especially violence to women. I had to keep reminding myself that I was watching an Academy award-winning performance, not somebody's life. But the truth is, that was somebody's life.

I admit to being a liberal, but I am not patently for or against the death penalty. God help anyone should hurt my child...I'm all about the electric chair. I also know that movies can paint a very lopsided picture - Oliver Stone, for instance, is a master at it. But I didn't even see the whole story, and still I can't help but feel that this was just a woman failed by the system.

It kind of made me feel sick. I had to take a break and go outside & smoke. I noticed I was shaking slightly. I considered not watching the rest of the movie. But it was like a train wreck; I couldn't turn away.

Then the disc fucked up. I'm not sure I'll replace it. I think I've seen enough. I'll just take it back to Blockbuster tomorrow.

Who Killed the Pagent Queen?

So check it out. Some British documentarians have figured out who killed Jon Benet Ramsey. Apparently, it was a pair of suspects dressed up as Ninjas. Seriously. Only they can't get any US broadcasters to air their film. So you'll have to go to England if you want to see it.

Go figure

OK, far be it from me to even try to understand the workings of a terrorist mind. But I just don't get their logic behind blowing up their country's only means of fiscal independence. Or assasinating their new government officials. I mean, if they want the Americans out, doesn't it make more sense to support the country's steps toward sovereignty rather than undermine them? I just do not get it.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Goddess of Wind and Water

I've been thinking about what Gretchen said about my dream the other morning being related to my possible new job opportunity. The thing is, I've always felt inspired by the wind. I remember one time (at band camp) when I was in my early (OK, very early) 20's. Some girlfriends were picking me up. We were going to the wedding reception of another girl we worked with. I had on my best dress - a strapless sundress with a peplum skirt (I told you it was a while back). Probably one of the most flattering dresses I've ever worn. I was waiting out front of my apartment for them to pick me up, and a storm was blowing in. It was really windy, and I had really long hair at the time. I stood facing into the wind, and, as it blew my hair back from my face and shoulders, I remember feeling like a supermodel, and thinking "no wonder they look so great in those photos. We should all have wind blowing in our faces all the time." It was the first time I felt completely empowered by something, and it was the wind. I remember wanting to get a tatoo after that, but not knowing how to draw the wind.

Fast forward several years. We buy a house in the suburbs with a big fancy master bathroom with a jacuzzi tub. What with the demands of work and family, I discover the joy of baths. I start buying up all kind of bath and spa products to further enhance my evening baths. I laid in hot baths, for the first time in my life, feeling utterly relaxed and yet powerful at the same time. It became like a mediation period for me. I would relax my mind while concentrating on what I needed to do to improve myself, my career, my marriage.

So yeah, the power of wind and water. Maybe by dreaming about that I was calling on some inner strength. A power that I'll need to make this change in my life. A power that the wind and water reminds me is in me all the time.

I want my babyback babyback babyback

Ordinarily, I'm not a fan of chain restaurants. I remember once when we were on vacay in Florida and I overheard another family in the condos making dinner plans for Red Lobster. Red Lobster! Who the fuck goes to Florida and eats at Red Lobster???

Still, I don't know what we'd do without Chili's. There's a new Chili's about seven minutes from our house, and I swear we eat there four times a week. All the staff knows us. But come on! You can't beat their presidente margaritas. And fried cheese. Best fried cheese ever. I used to crave their fried cheese when I was pregnant. And really good chicken crispers, too. God, I love Chili's.

Saturday Night Imitators

I haven't watched SNL in years, but I've caught several partial episodes this season (I don't usually manage to stay awake until the end). But have you noticed this? Nobody does original characters anymore. All they do is celebrity imitations. For like every single skit. It's gotten to be such a staple that even the guest hosts are doing it - Christina Aguilera did Samantha; Janet Jackson did Condi. The imitations are good, funny even, it just seems to lack the creativity of old. The Coneheads, Land Shark, the Chee'burger Chee'burger guy...the funniest and most memorable charaters were always the original ones.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Mall Rats

I went to the mall today to look for a few things I'm still lacking for the reunion. And I know I'm a complete shopping snob, but damn I hate going to the mall. They seem to cater to the lowest common denominator. But there sure is some good people watching there.

Overheard at the mall: "I guess I picked the wrong year to buy red." (woman to friend, while holding a pink sandal in Banana Republic)

Dream a little Dream

I had two very strange dreams that were both about nature last night. The first one took place in Norway. We had to travel by ferry on the rivers (which I guess technically are really fjords, but in the dream they were just rivers). But there was this one girl who didn't use the ferries. She just floated down the rivers (fjords). They called her the Norwegian word for "amphibian" because "she doesn't have to know her location to get where she needs to be." The dream was all about these really powerful water scenes.

Then Big Daddy came in and woke me up and asked me if I wanted to go get breakfast. Hmmm...let's or sleep? Yeah, no contest there...

So the next dream I think was kind of a continuation of the first. Because we were still in a foreign country and I'm pretty sure it was still Norway. In this one, we were releasing things into the wind, and they would float away like helium balloons. Only they weren't balloons - they were like banners, and flags. And there was no helium involved. They would just float away on the wind.

Water and wind. There must be a meaning here. Maybe it has something to do with "power."

Friday, June 18, 2004

What I need is a Fairy Godmother

Here's an update on my search for the perfect class reunion dress. When last we joined me, I was ordering dresses online. All the dresses have arrived and I've managed to narrow the decision down to two: this one or this one.

*sigh* I promised Big Daddy I'd make my decision this weekend. Because of course once the dress is chosen there's still shoes and jewelery to consider. And Big Daddy stresses Big Time over $$ being spent. He's quite anxious to have the receipt totals in his hands.

So...if you were going back to your class reunion 20 years later, and this girl was there who was nothing special in high school but turns out to be totally sexy now and making you regret like hell that she'd sat home alone on prom night, which dress would you rather see her in? Or...if you were going to your HUSBAND'S 20 year reunion, which dress would you rather NOT see me in?? Heh heh heh.

Comments Update

Well I am just making all sorts of progress at improving my site. My comments are now powered by Haloscan, as recommended by...errr...many people, who I now can not reference b/c I seem to have lost all my old comments...but whatever. No more registering or commenting as "anonymous" (which creeped me out anyway). Special thanks to IT dude who came down on his lunch hour and helped me drop in the code b/c I was COMPLETELY clueless even though Haloscan gave very explicit instructions. Now he's probably reading my blog. But whatever. I have comments. Yay.

Friday Movie Quote

Can you name it?

"You sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?"

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Woo-Hoo! Pictures! And hair!

It took me all freakin day, but I posted pictures! Yay me! I can't believe I did it.

So here it is: the hair that ate blogtown. And apparently, I was saving up all my money for my vacations, because look how dark my roots are in every single shot. Ewww. Must remember to take sunglasses off of head before photo shoots.

Anyhoo, you kinda get the idea. My hair's really (really) thick. And it's pretty curly naturally. Only I straighten it. With lots & lots of product and a straight iron. My hair is mighty good to me considering how badly I abuse it.

Disney World, Summer 2003 Posted by Hello

Me & My Kid, House of Blues Posted by Hello

Me & Big Daddy in New Orleans (Christmas 2003) Posted by Hello

Movies I can't wait to see

1. Around the World in 80 Days
2. The Terminal
3. Farenheit 9/11
4. Saved!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Quirks about Me

I have this thing about using toilet paper that may have glue on it...mainly, the very beginning and the very end of the roll.

OK, as you were.

Registering for comments

Again...sooooo not technical this way. I understand that you have a choice on this site of registering to leave a comment or leaving a comment as "anonymous." Neither is all that condusive to reader comments, in my opinion.

If anyone knows of a way to get around this - like if there's something I can download or something - please let me know. I won't understand, but Big Daddy's an IT guy. He'll maybe be able to figure it out. Thanks.

Detroit Rock City

Yay Pistons! I just love when the underdog wins. And I LOVE watching Ben Wallace play ball. And, come on! You GOTTA LOVE that hair! Rock on!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Excuse me, miss?

Can anyone tell me why, whenever I'm in NYC, people stop me on the street and ask me how much I pay to get my hair done? This has happened to me the last two times I was there. I assume it's some kind of guerilla marketing strategy. I always just say, "Oh, I'm not from here" because I figure that disqualifies me from whatever it is they're trying to sell. They aren't pushing any fliers or anything. I'm just wondering.

Give him BACK??

What? After ALL THIS...they think we're just gonna give him BACK? Ha. That man tried to kill his father. He's not giving him BACK.

Monday, June 14, 2004

They put the flags out

Today would have been my dad's 77th birthday. His birthday was on Flag Day. We lived the first 11 years of my life in Washington, DC, and of course all the government buildings would hang their flags on June 14th. I'm pretty sure it's probably the only city that actually err...celebrates? okay, recognizes Flag Day. My dad would always say, "Hey look! They put the flags out for my birthday!" Yeah Dad, they sure did. Happy Birthday.

Sunday, June 13, 2004


Special thanks to mice, Redsaid, Emily and Mac for mentioning me on their blogs. Getting started can be so intimidating...thank you for pointing your devoted readers to Overdressed!

But I seriously don't LOOK like I'm almost 40...

I have a big summer coming up this year. In addition to the trip to Monaco next month, I have my 20-year high school reunion 4th of July weekend. I moved from my hometown about 18 years ago and have not been back since. So I'm pretty anxious to go back. Also a little stressed. Trying to find the perfect dress and all.

I've hit every boutique in town. This always happens to me...I get this idea in my head of what I want, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. Today I ordered three dresses off the internet because we don't have any decent department stores here. Spent waaaaay too much money. But I plan to send at least two of the dresses back. I'm hoping one of them works. I'll letcha know. Because I'm sure you're on pins & needles.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

21 Grams

I rented the DVD of “21 Grams.” I had to, ya know. I have this policy about watching movies that are shot in my hometown to see what all I can pick out and recognize.

A friend of mine (who, BTW, was an extra in the film) saw it in the theater and had told me not to waste my money. He said it was the most depressing film he’s ever seen. Wha…? It did so well in Venice. Yeah, he said, those are the kind of people that would like it. Ahhh, the artsy-fartsy people. I probably qualify for that, so I rented it.

And I was riveted. Riveted, I say.

You know the movie’s not told in chronological order, right? I was afraid that might turn me off. Or I wouldn’t be able to follow it. But I thought it actually worked for this guy. The thing is, there’s not all that much that actually HAPPENS in the movie. If it were told in order, it would be kind of slow. Piecing together what-happened-when is part of what keeps you sucked in.

I thought Naomi Watts was amazing. I haven’t really seen much that she’s done prior to this. I will start paying more attention.

And that guy who played Naomi’s dad? Loved him! Where did he come from? Oh, wait a minute…dude! That’s my vice president!

The twist at the end – totally got me. I love, love, LOVE movies that don’t have predictable endings. But don’t give me unpredictability that is unbelievable or just added for shock value. None of that Hollywood bullshit here. A good kick-ass ending, that’s all.

I can see where not everyone would dig this movie. But I sure did.

How to Apply for a Passport in Memphis, Tennessee

I hate to admit this, but I’ve never had a passport. I’ve never needed one. They’ll let you take Caribbean cruises and trips to Mexico without one. But this year all that changes. My job is taking me to Monaco this summer. Yes, Monaco. Like “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” Monaco. And so my life’s ambition of having a passport was to be fulfilled.

Go Online
The State Department Web site contains all the rules, regulations, procedures, policies and fees. You can download the application and find the nearest passport agency, searching by zip code, state, handicap access, photo onsite and photo nearby. The internet is a very helpful tool when dealing with government agencies.

Collect Your Information
I printed out the paperwork, which was like four pages. I filled it all out, but didn’t sign it, just as instructed. I gathered my proof of US citizenship, which in my case was a certified copy of my birth certificate with a raised seal. You would think that after 37 years the seal would have smashed down a bit, but, luckily, no. And I had my proof of identity – my driver’s license with a recognizable photo.

Find Your Location
I did a search for the location nearest my office that had photo onsite. I was in luck – the main post office downtown is very close to where I work AND I know where the parking is for that building. I went one day during lunch, even though technically I was getting my passport for a work event, so this really was a work activity and I could’ve gone any time during the work day, but I’m just ethical that way.

Find the Correct Location
Well, for the record, the “main post office” is NOT this one right down here on Front Street by my office. Noooo. It’s the one alllllll the way down at the corner of 3rd and HELL. With the barbed wire fence around it. Where you have a fine selection of crack whores to go with your postal needs. At least the woman working the desk at the Front Street office was very helpful in directing me to the proper location. That’s a rarity at the post office.

Don’t Believe Everything You Read
At the main post office, I waited in line behind several people while one slow-moving employee manned the counter and three others stood off to the side talking. When it was finally my turn I approached the counter and said, “I need to apply for a passport.”

To which she replies, “You gotchure pictures?”

Now, you would think that given all the signs in this very room stating “WE NOW TAKE PASSPORT PHOTOS” that I could get my photo taken here. Ha!

“We ain’t got no fee-yum,” she says to me. “Closest place is down here at Walgreen’s…”

I wasn’t sure if she expected me to go buy her some fee-yum or if she was telling me that’s where I could get a photo made.

I sighed heavily and walked out, trying not to get discouraged. This was a big thing for me – I’d planned it all out. And when big things don’t go as I’ve planned, I tend to take that as a sign.

Tips for Taking a Successful Photo
I wasn’t familiar with this particular Walgreen’s she had referred to, so I headed where I knew I could get a passport photo made – Kinko’s in Midtown. That’s a little bit of a haul from the neighborhood I was currently in. I called my secretary and told her I wouldn’t be back to the office for a while.

The guy at Kinko’s that took my photo had the most bloodshot eyes I’d ever seen on a person. Instead of looking at the camera when he snapped the photo, I was looking up at his face thinking, “I guess if I had to work at Kinko’s I’d get stoned at lunchtime, too,” so my picture looks like my eyes are rolling back in my head. I considered asking him to take another one, but it was 13 bucks a pop and I figured that was probably a little vain as passport photos are not unlike driver’s license photos in that no one really expects them to be good. “It ain’t goin’ on your mantle,” as the post office lady said.

Try, Try Again
I eventually got back to the ‘hood and got everything turned in. Although I was a little concerned when she took my seal-imprinted birth certificate and stapled it all together with my paperwork and my photos. And I hate, hate, HATE having to ask stupid questions. “Umm…excuse me? Yeah, do you know if I’ll get my birth certificate back?” She assured me they’d mail it back to me with my passport. Who knew.

I arrived back at the office two hours after I’d left for this one simple errand.

Good Things Come
Yesterday, my passport arrived. I danced around like Steve Martin in The Jerk: “My passport’s here! My passport’s here! I AM somebody!”

Hopefully, this will not be a sign of how my trip to Monaco will go.

Finally...a blog

I was thrilled to take third place in Emily's "Win a Blog" contest. Of course, Redsaid (who won) got herself a blog. And Carmen (who came in second) has her "Mom to the screaming masses." And then there was "Kalisah, who doesn't have a blog..." I knew I had to do it. Had to get me a blog. I want me a nicely designed fancy blog, but that'll have to be budgeted. For now, a kind soul named mice turned me on to this site. I'm all about fast & free.

So, in order to give you something to read, I'm going to begin my blogging journey by posting my Win a Blog entries. Hope you enjoy.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Before I Die

Get a tattoo.
Lipo my belly.
Get a Brazilian bikini wax.
Visit my dad’s grave in Syracuse.
Cruise the Greek Isles.
Visit Shelley in the Netherlands.
Own a designer purse.
And a pair of Manolos.
Attend a Broadway show.
And a Knicks game in the Garden.
Visit Pearl Harbor.
Take My Kid to the Pass Christian Mardi Gras parade.
Perform the National Anthem at a basketball game.
Get a passport.
Sunbathe topless on the Riviera.
See my name in a film’s credits.
Trade my car in on a convertible.
Own a beach house.
See the Winter Palace in Russia.
Ride a gondola in Venice.
Attend the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.
Be promoted to Vice President. No, I did not accomplish this...I just changed my mind.
Meet Harry Connick, Jr.
See my Tigers win an NCAA basketball title.
Visit a French café and order in French.
Attend a designer fashion show.
Go to the Southern Hemisphere and watch the water go down the drain backwards.
Have a spa weekend.
Take a vacation by myself.
Go to a service at Al Green’s church.
Attend a Democratic National Convention.

100 Things

dedicated to Corporate Mommy

1. I am a product of the 80s.
2. I graduated high school in 1984.
3. I was big into choir in high school.
4. My school had a killer music program.
5. I never went to a prom.
6. No one wanted to take me.
7. I wasn’t ugly, just sort of…plain.
8. And flat-chested.
9. I was a late bloomer.
10. I’m curvy now.
11. My husband says I’m “hotter than porn.”
12. I hate people that talk in the movies.
13. I usually sit on the very back row so I don’t have anyone behind me talking.
14. I will tell people to shut up if they’re bothering me.
15. Especially kids & teenagers.
16. I live in the south but I’m not proud of it.
17. I spent the first 11 years of my life in DC.
18. My dad made me sit and watch President Nixon resign.
19. I was 8.
20. He told me I was witnessing history.
21. My parents voted for Nixon.
22. They had no political affiliations.
23. They voted for the man.
24. They were conservative though.
25. And Mormon.
26. They wouldn’t let us watch Archie Bunker or Sonny & Cher.
27. We did have a lot of Mormon Tabernacle Choir records in the house though.
28. My dad died when I was in my early 20s.
29. He was in his early 50s when I was born.
30. I have one child.
31. He never got to meet my dad.
32. I didn’t plan on only having one child.
33. I just never got around to having another one.
34. I have a very cool kid.
35. Thank god.
36. He’s not a whole lot like me though.
37. He has no musical abilities.
38. And he doesn’t particularly like ice cream.
39. I could live on ice cream.
40. I did live on ice cream when I was pregnant.
41. I figured it counted as calcium.
42. I will only drink skim milk though.
43. I’ve always been a picky eater.
44. I consider all food to fall into either a positive or a negative category.
45. Not like good-positive and bad-negative.
46. More like gram stain-positive & -negative.
47. Most of the food I like falls into the positive category.
48. Like waffles.
49. And ice cream.
50. Food with a tomato-based sauce is negative.
51. As is most of what my husband cooks.
52. Big Daddy & I have been married for almost 12 years.
53. We have precious little in common.
54. Except that we share a child together.
55. He’s not musical either.
56. He holds a disdain for all the cultural things I like.
57. And he doesn’t care much about politics.
58. He did get me hooked on basketball though.
59. Watching it, not playing it.
60. I avoid physical exertion at all costs.
61. I’m not lazy.
62. I just don’t want to break a nail.
63. I don’t have a passport.
63. I finally have a passport.
64. I’ve never needed one.
64. I had to get one to go to Monaco last summer for work.
65. Until then, I had only ever traveled outside the US to go to Mexico.
66. Turns out you don’t need a passport to go there.
66. Turns out they're changing the law and now you even need a passport to go there.
67. I am going to Monaco for work this summer.
67. Not to go there, so much, as to get back into this country.
68. I need to get my fucking passport.
68.Luckily, I'm now prepared to run off to Cancun at a moment's notice.
69. I care about issues that affect women.
70. And children.
71. And fairness to all peoples.
72. I work at a children’s cancer hospital.
72. I work at an ad agency.
73. People automatically assume that means I’m a nurse.
73. I run the PR division.
74. Which is ironic because I was once a nursing student.
74. It's a much better fit for me than all the years I spent in non-profit.
75. I changed my major a lot in college.
76. I was 30 when I finally graduated with a degree in PR.
77. I do really good on "Jeopardy!" because I know something about just about everything.
78. You want me on your team for Trivial Pursuit.
79. I think being a liberal is a good thing.
80. “Liberal” to me is equivalent to “open-minded.”
81. I fucking hate republicans.
82. And religious fanatics.
83. I live in the suburbs so there are a lot of both around here.
84. There’s pretty much a church on every corner in Memphis.
85. I don’t attend any of them.
86. I’ve given up on religion.
87. Although I haven’t completely made my mind up about God yet.
88. I’m totally addicted to crossword puzzles.
89. I’m really good at them too.
90. And if I’m doing them on paper (as opposed to online) I always do them in pen.
91. My music tastes change every couple of years.
92. Right now I’m into hip-hop what I refer to as "semi-alternative".
93. I made a perfect score on the English portion of the ACT.
94. We don’t take the SAT in the south.
95. I’m very good at grammar & usage.
96. Not so good with numbers though.
97. I never wanted to write the great American novel.
98. Or be a journalist.
99. I just want to write about what I care about.
100. Mac at pesky’apostrophe inspired me to blog.

I Firmly Believe:

  • That consenting adults should be able to date, love and marry anyone they damn well please.
  • That people who hurt children should be locked up for life. And people who hurt their own children should get the electric chair.
  • That chicken breasts should be pounded out really flat before cooking.
  • That I'm grossly underpaid.
  • That panty hose are evil.
  • That I could live on the French diet of fresh fruit, good cheese, crusty bread & red wine.
  • That my boss is the antichrist.
  • That a little lip gloss can change your mood.
  • That I deserve nice things.
  • That My Kid is above average.
  • That abortion is not a sin but a necessary and viable option for women.
  • That fruit should only be added to cereal by the person eating it after it's been poured into a bowl.
  • That my hair looks much better straightened. And blonde.
  • That if I pay the subscription price and have the magazine delivered to my home, I shouldn't have to rip out a gajillion subscription cards from each issue.
  • That Big Daddy is my destiny.
  • That I could post daily about the ignorant and inconsiderate nature of Memphis drivers.
  • That high heels let lose a woman's sex appeal.

Cast of Characters

Big Daddy – that’s my husband of 11 years. Here’s a quick history of our relationship: we met; we became friends; we dated other people; he fell in love with me; I hesitated; I gave in; we kissed; I got pregnant; we moved in together; we went on food stamps; we had a kid (boy, 7 lbs, 21 inches, 16 hours of labor, no drugs); we got married; he graduated college; he got a real job; I graduated college; I got a real job; we bought a house; we prospered; we bought a new and bigger house in the suburbs. That about covers it.

My Kid – There’s just the one. He’s almost 11 with a smart mouth that will rival any teenager. Tall, smart, athletic. Has a girlfriend already. And a cell phone. Growing up entirely too fast, I would say.


College Boy – Big Daddy’s best friend. He rents our first house from us, since it’s convenient to the university where he attends.

The Twins – Identical twin boys that are My Kid’s best friends.

Santa Maria -- my friend & nail tech. Single mom; three boys (including one in a wheelchair); no financial support from an ex that she loved & supported for 13 years. Then he ran off back to their homeland so that she can’t even go after the deadbeat. Still, she paid off thousands of dollars of his debt that she got saddled with in the divorce, and just bought herself a house. On a nail tech’s salary. She’s a saint. Really.

The Princess -- another Latina friend. She doesn't work. And drives a BMW. Her husband, a Porsche. She has a designer purse. Several of them actually. And Manolos. Pretty much everything I want. Still, she's fun and sweet and I like her a lot. But I refuse to try to be her, which is what most of her friends do.