Thus guaranteeing my own permanent spot in the THP ticket book
Today I spent the day downtown doing video interviews. The Tennessee Chiefs of Police are in town for some sort of meeting, and several of them are winning national awards at the end of this month for their work on traffic safety. We’re going to be editing a video for the awards presentation in Nashville and so were interviewing the winners while they were here this week.
It was all by the book really, “Tell me what your agency has done to address the problem of occupant protection this year.” That’s the insider term for WEARING SEAT BELTS. Occupant protection. DUI is “impaired driving” and speeding is, well “speeding.” (Or, as my good friend Juan Montoya from Colombia used to say, "spitting." Of course, he also called passing a car "overtaking" but he is afterall a professional race car driver so I guess that's OK.)
I so wanted to break out a Samantha Bee on them during the interviews. But since I was interviewing the very top law enforcement officials in the state and I’m NOT ACTUALLY ON TELEVISION, I didn’t think I should risk it.
Kalisah Bee (tilts head imploringly to the right): “So Colonel, if I were to drive, saaay, 10 miles over the speed limit…would I REALLY pose a threat to anyone’s safety? Really? As long as I was wearing my seat belt?”
Tennessee Highway Patrol Colonel: “Miss, you are jeopardizing lives if you drive even one mile per hour over the limit. And don’t you forget it.”
Kalisah Bee (accusingly squints a bit at man in big hat): “OK, but what about 5 miles? 5 miles over the limit? 60 in a 55? That’s not really going to KILL anybody, now is it, Colonel?”
Colonel: “Miss, you do not want to see what I myself have seen on these here highways. Accident scenes are complete chaos. There is blood. Broken glass. Babies crying. You do not want to be the responsible party if I show up at your accident scene. Now I suggest you just ease up on the gas and drive the legal limit or you can expect to answer to me or one of my good men and women out there enforcing the law.” (Stands, adjusts gun belt, clears throat, clomps off set in heavy boots.)
