Overdressed

Things I find myself considering, while lounging around in my pajamas doing laundry on a Sunday:

• I'm like a 9-year-old who continually makes up new rules as they suit me:
  Big Daddy: Rub my back.
  Me: No.
  BD: Aww, come on. Why not?
  Me: You already woke me up at 7 a.m. on a weekend to have sex with you. You don't get to have your back rubbed, too.
• Big Daddy just found out he has to go to NYC tomorrow for a couple days on business. This means he won't be able to vote now.
• How is it that I can sleep through six rounds of the dryer buzzing but Big Daddy bitching about Brett Favre's three interceptions in the fourth quarter wakes me up?
• Since 1936, if the Washington Redskins win the game before the election, the incumbent president wins. If they lose, the challenger wins. Score today: Green Bay 28, Washington 14. No wonder Big Daddy was so concerned about those interceptions.
• Whenever I go to Stat Counter to see if anybody's reading this, I find several people who came to my site from a page that's in a foreign language. Can this be? I find it hard to believe that I share a readership with someone who posts in Samoan.
• What's the rules for trick or treating if it rains on Halloween night?
• Big Daddy gives good sugar. He bought TEN bags of Halloween candy, and all of it's candy bars.
• I'm pretty sure if it rains, we get to eat all that.
  

Posted by Kalisa at 4:17 PM | Permalink | Comments

I just finished watching the Japanese film "Shall We Dance?" and I can't imagine a better way to completely destroy the charm and affection of this movie than to remake it with Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez.

Posted by Kalisa at 5:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

I'm very tired. It's been a long week. And I'm about to say "fuck it" and go to bed early. But not without leaving you with tonight's "AMERICA (The Book)" passage.
Chapter Three, The President:

Sometimes, if a president is truly fortunate, a Supreme Court justice retires or dies on his watch. This gives the president a chance to appoint to a lifetime term on the highest court in the land the craziest motherfucker he can sneak past Congress. Typically these appointees are jurists whose opinions run the ideological gamut from the right ("Jesus says retarded gays must be put to death") to the left ("Man-on-pumpkin sex is an inalienable right and should be taught to children"). Any Supreme Court nominee whose opinion falls in between is deemed ideologically unreliable and his nomination is killed in committee.

Posted by Kalisa at 8:40 PM | Permalink | Comments

You guys don't seem to be enjoying this as much as I am. But that's OK. I'll humor myself.
Chapter Two, The Founding of America:

"Jefferson, you're on the two. Hamilton? You get the ten. I'm calling dibs on the one. That's all me, baby. What's that, Adams? You wanted the one? All right, that's it: You don't get to be on anything. That's right, I'm taking back the quarter. Anyone else want to complain? I didn't think so."
--George Washington, 1789

Posted by Kalisa at 9:34 PM | Permalink | Comments

Last night I was out in my front yard smoking (because I don't smoke in the house). Across the street from me live three teenage boys that are completely unsupervised and god only knows what kind of trouble they're into.

Usually when I go outside in the evening they're hanging out in their driveway with a cluster of friends (guys & girls) smoking cigarettes and blaring heavy metal music.

Which would be cool if they were like, hot young boys. But no such luck for me.

So last night, I'm outside. And there's three or four or five of them in the driveway and the garage. They're lifting weights. And blaring heavy metal music. (I'm so fucking old.)

And I hear a girl's voice. And she's saying, "I have the Playmate of the Year."

And two girls are walking across their front lawn, toward the garage, where the boys are.

And one of them is dressed in what apparently is to be her Halloween costume. As a Playboy Bunny.

The little strapless suit. Fishnets. Ears. Fluffy tail. High heeled boots.

OK, I woulda gone without the hose and with 4" strappy sandals, but that's just me. You can't expect a simple high school girl to have my fashion sensibilities.

So she stands in front of these sex-crazed teenage boys and shows her stuff. "What do you think?" "How do I look?" "How's the boobs?" (grabbing said body part).

And I'll I can think is "I am soooo glad My Kid's a boy."

Because the times, they have a-changed.

When I was in high school (oh lord, I sound like a parent. Worse than that...a GRANDPARENT.), we would NEVER have even CONSIDERED dressing up as a Playboy bunny for Halloween. I can't think of a girl in my entire school that would have. Even the slutty ones.

But if they did, they SURE the hell wouldn't have stood in front of the football team and asked, "How's the boobs?"

I blame Britney Spears for the complete and utter downfall of our younger generation. She made skank acceptable. Damn her. Damn her to hell.

Posted by Kalisa at 9:14 PM | Permalink | Comments

Chapter One:

The first major act of violence occurred in 1770, when British troops
fired into an angry mob and killed five citizens in what came to be called The Boston Massacre. (Yes, it was a happier, simpler time, when five deaths were seen as a "massacre," not the natural consequence of, say, a Detroit Pistons championship celebration.)

Posted by Kalisa at 8:13 PM | Permalink | Comments

Tonight on the way home I heard a report on NPR's "Market Place" about black market flu vaccine.

Look, I'm a flu vaccine advocate. Once, many years ago, before I was married, I had the flu. My roommate and I both had it. At the same time. We laid around in our beds and coughed and hacked and moaned and suffered and bemoaned our lack of loving attentive husbands to care for us in our time of need.

The next year, I said, "Fuck that. I'm getting a flu shot."

And I've gotten one every year since, except one. I was pregnant and thought I shouldn't get one (not so well informed, it turns out). I got the flu instead. Cough. Hack. Sniff. Moan.

Then I went to work at a hospital, where the patients are severely immunodepressed. Even a simple head cold can be life-threatening for them. So the hospital gives us all FREE flu shots. I partook gratefully.

And I never got the flu from the vaccine. That's bullshit. I work with world-renowned scientists and they even told me, "That's bullshit."

So this year, like everyone else, our hospital is limiting who receives the shot. It has to be IN YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION that you have extensive patient interaction. Like a surgical nurse or something I guess.

So no shot.

BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Guys, it's THE FLU. Fever, aches, chills. I know that it can be life-threatening to the high risk groups, but I'm pretty sure there's enough of it out there to cover them.

The rest of us? Deal. IT'S THE FLU. Take some Nyquil and enjoy a few sick days. Can we stop all the news coverage now?

And black market flu vaccine? Please! Find me one person who's willing to buy flu vaccine from some pusher on the street and I'll buy you lunch.

Posted by Kalisa at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

I finally got around to doing something I've been meaning to do for a while - adding some bloggers to my links.

So scroll on down there to the right and give a welcome click to All I'm Saying, Where All My Time Goes, Blurbomat, Amalah, Spud Buddy, Singing Chick, Rich.Girl, and Karmatown. Some of these fine folks have been leaving comments here for a while, so pardon my procrastination, and WELCOME to Overdressed!

Methinks I must alphabetize the list soon!

Update: I couldn't stand the chaos of it all and alphabetized. I'm not OCD, I just have OCD tendencies. Please let me know if you happen upon any broken links. --9:16 p.m.

Posted by Kalisa at 8:27 PM | Permalink | Comments

My birthday present was delivered today. Because you know Big Daddy does his shopping on the internet. When I came home from Open House at My Kid's school (or, as I like to call it, "Most of Cordova and Half of Germantown driving around looking for a parking space"), there was a big box on the kitchen table.

They'd taken a Sharpie and wrote "Happy Birthday Love, Big Daddy & Kid" on the box that it was delivered in. How thoughtful.

But anyway! I got my ionic hairdryer AND a new ceramic flatiron! I'm so surprised! Just what I asked for! But really - they rock. Not ONLY does the ionic hair dryer dry your hair in, like, half the time (which, with all this hair, that's reducing my drying time by about 15 minutes), BUT it makes your hair really really smooth and soft and almost practically NO FRIZ WHATSOEVER. Ain't science grand?

One other gift was included - something I hadn't actually asked for but I talk so much about I think it was a gimme for Big Daddy. America (The Book) by Jon Stewart!

And it is fucking funny.

So, from the forward by Thomas Jefferson, here's tonight's quote from America (The Book):

Not that we weren't awesome. We wrote the Constitution in the time it takes you nimrods to figure out which is the aye button and which is the nay. But we weren't gods. We were men. We had flaws. Adams was an unbearable prick and squealed girlishly whenever he saw a bug. And Ben Franklin? If crack existed in our day, that boozed-up snuff machine would weigh 80 pounds and live outside the Port Authority.

Posted by Kalisa at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

"Why you think it's just coming out now, a week before the election? Those damn liberals, they control everything."

Posted by Kalisa at 5:26 PM | Permalink | Comments

THE SUMMER'S ARE TOO FUCKING LONG!!!

Posted by Kalisa at 2:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

What I'm Watching:
Lost
Nip/Tuck
SATC Reruns
Desperate Housewives
My Wife & Kids
Charmed
Gilmore Girls
Survivor
The Daily Show

Best Movie I've seen lately: Angels in America
Movie I can't wait to see: Ray with Jamie Fox

Best Book I've read lately: The Da Vinci Code
Book I can't wait to read: America (The Book) - Jon Stewart

What I want for my birthday (the long list): clothes, shoes, make up, jewelry, perfume, fresh cut flowers, a spa day, books, books on tape, money on my iTunes account, complete set of SATC DVDs, luggage, an Audi convertible, vacay in the South Pacific. And a big party.
What I want for my birthday (the short list): an ionic hair dryer and a ceramic flat iron

Now you.

Posted by Kalisa at 7:11 PM | Permalink | Comments

for playing along with my quiz!! You girls are THE BEST!

Posted by Kalisa at 6:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

The other day, thanks to Daddy's Little Rich Girl, I discovered that I am worth $1,895,090. Please don't tell Big Daddy. He might have me whacked if he thinks he could get $1.9 million.

I made the comment on Rich.Girl's blog that I came in #8 in the most expensive girls of the day. Although I didn't understand how a woman who weighs 320 pounds and makes half what I do can come in right behind me.

So I'm superficial. So sue me. Then take notice of the name of this blog, you dumb ass.

And please don't forget, while you're flogging me, that I am, after all, the biggest feminist since That Girl.

Anyhoo, I then went on to say, in Rich.Girl's comments, that I thought I should create my own Worth List. One that takes into account what I, the Overdressed, consider important.

Because frankly, I wasn't too crazy about theirs.

How much exercise you get and all...

Not a fan of exercise. Somehow, it always seems to lead to a broken nail.

Which is a very, very bad thing.

So here's my test. You'll need a piece of paper to keep score. And report your scores back to me in the comments. Because I need to know where my readers rate. So I can judge you. Prematurally. Based on purely superficials.

*smile*


TAKE THE TEST

1) How much did you pay for the most expensive shoes in your closet?
a) Over $500
b) $200-500
c) $100-200
d) $60-100
e) Under $50

2) How much did you pay for the cheapest shoes in your closet?
a) Over $200
b) $100-200
c) $50-100
d) $25-50
e) Less than $25

3) How many cosmetic items in your make-up bag contain one of the following logos: Nars, Stila, Chanel, Laura Mercier, Bobbie Brown, Benefit, Dior, Lorac, Vincent Longo.
a) All of them
b) Most of them
c) Some of them
d) None of them, but what's wrong with department store brands?
e) None of them, but hey...drug store brands are good enough for me.

4) What perfect drink can you mix up to impress your dinner party guests?
a) Cosmopolitans
b) Mojitos
c) Margaritas
d) Screwdrivers
e) I prefer not to drink at our dinner parties

5) Who colors your hair?
a) My hairdresser, who I've been loyal to for years
b) Whatever hairdresser I can find that I can afford
c) JC Penny's (they run pretty good sales)
d) I color my own hair, thank you very much.
e) My natural hair color is fine with me.

6) When was the last time you had your eyebrows waxed?
a) I get my brows waxed regularly, every week
b) I know it's irregular, but I got a girl who does a good job & I try to get to her once a month or so
c) I'm sure I've had them done not too long ago...
d) I really can't remember, but I plan to get them done soon
e) I pluck my own eyebrows.

7) When was the last time you had your bikini wax?
a) I keep my Brazilian clean and smooth.
b) I'm getting my Brazilian updated this week.
c) I keep my bikini line waxed fairly regularly.
d) I prefer to shave it myself.
e) What's wrong with normal hair growth?

8) How high are the highest heels in your closet?
a) 4 inches or more
b) between 3 and 4 inches
c) I like heels, but 3 inches is about all I can walk on
d) Why in the world would anyone need more than 3 inches?
e) I prefer flats.

9) Which purses do you own?
a) Kate Spade
b) Louis Vuitton
c) Coach
d) Knock-offs work for me
e) None of the above. I pick up my bags at Target.

10) Who makes the majority of your jeans?
a) DKNY, Ag Jeans
b) PD&C's
c) Earl
d) Seven
e) Levis, Gap, Old Navy

11) Who does your manis?
a) I get a manicure every two weeks, without fail, from my regular stylist
b) I get a manicure when I have a special event coming up
c) I occasionally get a manicure, but not regularly
d) I do my own nails
e) Who has time for nails??

12) And what about pedis?
a) I get a pedicure every month, no matter the season
b) I get regular pedicures in the summertime, when I'm wearing open-toed shoes
c) I get occasional pedicures in the summertime, when I notice it.
d) I drop by the local Asian salon when I think I might need a touch up.
e) I need a pedicure?


13) What show do you stay at home to watch?
a) Sex and the City reruns
b) Desperate Housewives
c) The OC
d) Charmed
e) I don't watch TV

14) What is the ideal brunch beverage?
a) Bellini's
b) Mimosas
c) Bloody Mary's
d) Fresh -squeezed orange juice
e) Water with lemon


Scoring
For every A: give yourself $1,000,000
For every B: give yourself $500,000
For every C: give yourself no points
For every D: take away $5,00,000
For every E: take away $1,000,000

Posted by Kalisa at 1:39 AM | Permalink | Comments

Good Luck, 'Stros

Posted by Kalisa at 6:37 PM | Permalink | Comments

The meeting was very productive.

The worst decision I made was the shoes.

You know me - I had to wear my Prada pumps, because they looked good. And I wanted to impress everyone with my fabulous sense of style.

I totally forgot that I bought those on sale, even though they were a half-size too small for me.

And those extra-pointy toes squeeze my poor little tootsies like grapes in a wine vat.

Ouch.

By the time I hoofed it through the Memphis, Atlanta and Boston airports I could barely hobble into the meeting.

And I foolishly brought no other shoes to change into for dinner.

Or work today.

Owie-zowie.

We went to dinner at the Palms Restaurant. I know there are several of these around the globe, but this is the first time I've been to one.

This particular one in Boston has people's faces painted all over the walls - local celebs, national celebs that originated from the area, sports figures, politicos, etc. etc.

You gotta love a restaurant that tells you the restroom is "Up the stairs...take a left at Aerosmith."

Posted by Kalisa at 8:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

Anyone know where Vanessa went? Please send your new page to me! Or email me at kalisah@midsouth.rr.com. I miss you.

Posted by Kalisa at 5:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

See, I think so many of this country's problems could be solved by one thing: going back to teaching the "Slower Traffic Keep Right" rule.

When did this go out of fashion?

So, with all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, you MIGHT need to get the fuck out of the left lane if:

1. Other people are passing you on the right.
2. You're driving five miles UNDER the speed limit.
3. You're deeply engrossed in a cell phone conversation.
4. You think that driving on the highway is a perfect time to apply mascara in the rear view mirror.
5. You have more than four wheels on your vehicle.
6. You're desperately searching for something in the back seat or on the floor of the passenger side.
7. You are towing a trailer that contains landscaping machinery, other forms of transportation (motorized or non-), watersports equipment or livestock.

Please. PLEASE. Thank you.

Posted by Kalisa at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

They grow up so freaking fast.

I know...when I was a teenager, I spent every waking moment on the phone with my best friend. And eventually (by 10th grade) with my boyfriend.

But he's 11 for pete's sake!

My Kid has been on Fall Break this week and since Big Daddy is out of town, I've taken vacation days and/or worked from home.

And the boy LIVES on the phone with this girl!

Which is OK, I guess. I just can't imagine for the life of me what they could possibly have to talk aobut for hours on end. How uncool their parents are, I guess.

This afternoon he met that little hussy at the movies to see "Taxi." She always brings a friend along b/c she's totally bad news and her parents do NOT know that she has a boyfriend, so she has to hide it from them, so she tells them that she & her friend want to go to a movie when really they're being dropped off to meet BOYS.

(I might as well use their names...these kids all have such popular names, I don't see the point in not using them. Since there's probably twelve-hundred Kaitlyn's in his school alone.)

So it was supposed to be My Kid, his girlfriend Kaitlyn, some friend of hers, and Dillon, My Kid's friend from up the street. A double-date of sorts.

When I picked him up, he raved about how funny the movie was. I said, "Who all went?" He said, "Just Kaitlyn and her friend Lindsey [or whatever] and Mitchell."

Hold up.

Mitchell????

Let me very calmly refer you back to the Middle School Love Triangle.

Of course, I couldn't let on that I knew anything. I prodded a bit, but to no avail.

"Mitchell? Is that a friend of yours?"
"Yeah."
"You've never mentioned him. Does he go to your school?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. So is this someone you hang out with at school?"
"Yeah."

Fuck.

Can you BELIEVE this little tramp???? Not only has she been stringing him along while she dabbles with this other guy, but now she's going to the movies with BOTH OF THEM???

Holy shit. I think it's time for a serious mother-son talk.

Posted by Kalisa at 5:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

Eminem? Insensitive and disrespectful? Nah...

Posted by Kalisa at 4:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

I got up this morning and found that Chris Reeve & Ken Caminiti both - gone. Both tragedies, one of his own making.

Posted by Kalisa at 4:58 PM | Permalink | Comments

It's 8:30 p.m. and I'm just wrapping up work for the day. I still have to go wash my hair, but I wanted to shout out a quick hi so you'll know I'm still here and I won't lose all four of my readers.

The weekend was great. All my outlaws inlaws were in town for my monster-in-law's 80th birthday. OK, I'm just kidding. She's not really a monster. She's a dear, sweet old woman. She's "Raymond"'s mom in 20 more years. We had family here from New York, St. Louis, Albuquerque and California. And politically, it was pretty evenly split - surprisingly enough. We watched the debate Thursday night and then carried on one of our own the remainder of the weekend.

Saturday night we had a nice, semi-formal dinner at the Crescent Club. I did my Marilyn imitation & sang "Happy Birthday" to mom. I think I was a big hit. Maybe they were just being nice.

Sunday morning before everyone flew out we had brunch at the folks'. Cheese blintzes, potatoes latkes, lox & bagels...mmmmm...I love me some ethnic food.

Posted by Kalisa at 8:28 PM | Permalink | Comments