Cynical Joe Strikes Again
Subject: REVISED Republican Convention Schedule
6:00pm - Opening prayer
6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon
7:00pm - Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm - Additional prayers
7:30pm - Opening remarks by Halliburton
8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken aka "Kenny-boy" Lay
8:15pm - Additional remarks by Halliburton
8:30pm - Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente
9:00pm - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm - Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party
9:30pm - Reagan elevated to Savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"
9:45pm - Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm - Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go fuck himself
10:15pm - Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: "Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.....bad "intelligence")
10:30pm - Burning at the stake of 16 year-o.ld Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45pm - Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm - Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser
11:45pm - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)
2:00 am - Hookers arrive for all delegates
While this humorous parody does reflect the political views of the author of this blog, she makes no claims as to Cynical Joe's political affiliations. Or whoever sent the email to him.
