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How to tell you're the parent of a teenager:

#1. The only conversations you have go like this:
(words in all caps should be read in complete exasperation)
Him: Can I go with Bailey to something at her church tomorrow?
You: What church?
Him: the very liberal non-dogmatic one right up here by our house.
You: Sure, I'm okay with that.
Him: OK, I need a note so the youth minister, a man that neither you nor I have ever met, can pick me up at school.
You: Umm, I not really comfortable with that. I'm going to need more information.
Him: FINE. FORGET IT. (Begins to walk out of room.)
You: Well let's talk about this.
Him: YOU ALREADY SAID I CAN'T GO. (Walks further out of room.)
You: Please don't walk out when I'm trying to talk to you.
Him: Oh-KAY. (rolls eyes) GOD.
You: Do you want me to call Bailey's mom to get some more information?
Him: NO. GOD, MOM (rolls eyes)
You: Well tomorrow is kind of short notice. Maybe you can find out more information from Bailey?
Him: Oh-KAY.
You: Maybe ask her what she needs in order to ride the van from school?
Him: Oh. KAY.
You: Maybe we can work it out for next week.
Him (realizing he has already spent more than his entire weekly talk-to-mom time allowance): OH. KAY.

#2. Calls you three times at work to find out when you're coming home because all his friends are up at the bowling alley and he's stuck at home with Dad, who's on a conference call and can't take him.

#3 When he comes home, he walks in the door and straight upstairs and gets on the computer to IM his friends that he just spent several hours with. Does not pass go, does not collect $200. You do not say, "What could you possibly have to talk about?? You just spent several hours with them!" because then you will have completely turned into your mother and that's just too humiliating to accept.

#4 He opts out of the football game of the year - Memphis Tigers (yea!) vs. Tennessee Volunteers (boo!) because it's an 11 a.m. game and he "doesn't want to get up that early."

You were expecting a longer list? He's only been a teenager for 30 days. This is ONLY THE BEGINNING.

I would be have been put on restriction for every single one of those line items.

I hated being a teenager.

Sounds like my house, K.

It hasn't gotten easier in the 1.5 years we've been doing it, either.

Only just now am I starting to get along with my mother... and I'll be 20 in six months!

#1 has given me better insight into what was going on when I was in those situations...

I know for me and others I know it's an issue of tone of voice. And not realizing that you are using such a tone.

Oh boy. I can hardly wait. And I've got 2.5 years to go until my boy is a teen.

Although my daughter pretty much acts like that already, and she's only 8.

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