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Writers Block

Ten years ago this March 1, Big Daddy's sister died. She was 49 and she had cancer - multiple myeloma, which apparently they can cure or at least control now as apparent in the life of Geraldine Ferraro. But Ellie, she was dead within a year of her diagnosis.

Her husband is putting together a memory book for the tenth anniversary of her death. His family's like that. Which is nice. In my family, we try to ignore the fact that Dad died. Much better to ignore those emotions because you know, if you push them down deep enough, they'll go away completely. So the husband, he sent this email that said 'Not a day goes by without something reminding me of Ellie or my thinking “what would Ellie have done?” It seems every week someone shares with me a memory of Ellie.' and '“The memories of those we love are a blessing forever”' which is so beautiful.

So Big Daddy forwards the email to me and says 'Will you write something? For us?' Sure, I say. No problem. For me. The writer.

Agh, the pressure.

You know I hardly knew Ellie. She called me in the hospital when My Kid was born, which I thought was big of her since she'd never met me. She sure did sound excited on the phone though.

The first time I met her, she was in the hospital. She was already sick. I never knew Ellie when she wasn't sick.

I remember when we were going through that year that she was an amazing spirit. It's just hard for me to remember it all now.

I promised Big Daddy I'd have something to his brother-in-law this weekend. I don't know where to start though. I asked him 'Is there anything in particular you want me to write about?' 'No,' he said.

I just don't have that many memories of Ellie. And since I'm 'The Writer' I want to write something that will be beautiful and moving to the rest of the family. God, I'm so fucking self-centered. Making this all about me.

Anyway, I thought it would help loosen up my brain a bit to write about it here first. I'll let you know how it goes.