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She Bangs! She Bangs!

Whew. OK, my fury has been calmed. Thanks for listening. Actually, once I settled down a bit, I remembered that I backed up my archived emails to CD about a year ago. And the last six months' of emails are not archived yet, so I'm really probably only missing about six months' of emails. That's manageable.

So don't forget: watch American Idol tonight. Now I know that I've claimed before that I am anti-reality show. And I am. And I will NEVER watch the glorified talent show once it turns into serious pop divaness. But this part at the beginning? The tone deaf part? It's great entertainment.

If you missed last night, here's a few highlights:

  1. Mary was the freak with the really bad Dorothy Hamill haircut that you saw on all the ads (Simon: "How do you think you did?" Mary: "Not too shabby.") who admitted to hearing voices in her head. "Weirdness is originality," she deadpanned. Scared the fuck outta me!
  2. They accepted Constantine, who sings in a metal garage band, b/c they agreed that he could shake up the competition a little bit. He tried out with Aerosmith's "Crying." Then Ryan Seacrest followed him to a band rehearsal to break it to the rest of the group on national TV that their singer was dumping them for a chance of his own. On American fucking Idol. HA!
  3. This guy wearing a 5.9% headband (something about he used to be a drunk until he found Jesus?), told the judges that he just found out a couple weeks ago that he could sing! "I ain't no chile' prodigy or nuthin."
  4. But my favorite was the girl who said that GOD gave her this talent and that HE sent her to American Idol and that HE WANTS HER TO WIN THIS COMPETITION. Then, when the judges bounced her, she went outside and cussed Simon like a sailor! Yeah!

So tune in tonight to see what's in store! (I think this year the producers have given the judges explicit directions that if the singer is really, really atrocious, let them sing for a long time while you all take sideways glances at each other.)

There will be a test tomorrow.