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I am the soul that lives within

So here's the thing.

I don't really have any readers anymore. I know that. And I don't write too much anymore. Know that too. When I went back to work last year I was working reallllly loooooong hours doing creatively exhausting work and I had neither the time nor the brain power to write much. And the thing about blogging is, you don't write, people quit dropping in.

Which is cool. I figured I'd just keep my blog and write whatever whenever the urge hit me. Because when I go back to why I wanted a blog in the first place, it was a very simple answer: I wanted to write. I don't think I had any delusions of being the next online Dave Barry. But you get sucked in pretty quick with trying to build a readership. So I developed this online persona and I went to your web sites and commented with my link, and went to the web sites of your commenters, and commented there too. Because that's how you get readers. Which had become my blogging objective.

And then something life-altering happened to me. Which most of you probably didn't really want to hear about, so I never talked about it here much. I found god. I KID! But not really. I got sober. And unlike some celebrity party-girls, I actually quit drinking when I started going to AA. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and I came to believe in power greater than myself. And gradually my life began to change. And the changes I've gone through don't really support my overdressed image.

I turned 40 and suddenly my health and my lifestyle habits became more important than my handbag.

I heard India.Arie's song "I Am Not My Hair" and I related to it.

I traveled to Boston in that one pair of 3 3/4-inch heels and ended up practically crippled by the time I got home. I realized that convincing us that we could walk around the city in high heels was just one way that Carrie Bradshaw nearly ruined my life. (See also: Cosmos)

When I bought the Skechers flats expressly for the purpose of wearing for travel, I realized that my life had turned a corner. I had exchanged cute for practical.

I still love shoes. I still hope to own a pair of Manolos one day. But I don't really feel like writing about that anymore.

I still wear the heels to work everyday. I still enjoy shopping. You can have my Benefit make up when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. But none of that defines me anymore.

I am not my hair.

I will write. But not here. I'll let you know where I land when I get there. But don't bother overdressing. We'll just be chatting in our pajamas at the new place.

Labels:

Posted by Kalisa on Friday, April 20, 2007 at 9:17 PM |

Great post. Really. I'm looking forward to visiting you (in jammies) at your new digs.

Posted by Blogger Kaleigh | 10:52 PM  

I'm a crappy commenter. But I read every post you write, and I'll do the same at your new digs.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 11:43 PM  

I'll totally fit in better in a pj-type environment.

(Oh yeah...I rarely stop by since I just read the feed.)

Posted by Blogger Nina | 8:33 AM  

I'm also guilty of feed-reading, and still look forward to your entries when they do come. I hope you'll let me know when you decide to write somewhere else.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 9:09 AM  

I'm still here! Still reading daily, although I've turned into a sucky commenter.

I think the reason why I have more than one blog is so I can have an outlet for all those aspects of my personality. The makeup blog gets a ton of hits and has become really popular, for reasons unknown to me, but the blog where I rant and rave about stupid shit is still my favorite.

So! Please let me know where you move, and I'll come visit you in my jammies with a nice bottled water and maybe a little chocolate! (Can I paint my toenails, though?)

Posted by Blogger Badger | 3:20 PM  

Hey, I'm all about the jammies, especially since I work in them as much as humanly possible.

Lemeno the new digs, too.

Posted by Blogger Unknown | 3:45 PM  

I understand and appreciate the your thought process as I have gone through that as well. I began reading you when you first got your blog as a result of Emily's "Win A Blog" contest and the encouragement of Mice. You were one of my first readers when I was blogging away regularly. Now, like you, I don't blog often and my readership has dropped to virtually nil, but oh well.

I continue to read your blog; while not daily, certainly weekly. I turned to yours when I missed the Oscars to find out who wore what and such, because I just love your humor and wit. So, for as long as you continue writing, I will continue reading.

Besides, I gotta have something to do in my spare time. :)

Posted by Blogger Gretchen | 6:55 PM  

*raises hand* I'm guilty of feed reading as well.. but your blog is one of my "must reads" whenever I see a post. You've gone through alot this past year and have done great! Wherever you move to, can ya let a gal know please :) And jammies instead of heels - that's a new idea... GOOD LUCK!

Posted by Blogger Lys | 11:52 PM  

I never read your blog for the fashion, but I loved your wit, your celebrity awards reports, and your values/insights. I hope I will be able to continue to read your writing - however sporadically.

Incidentally, I've also recently had something of a spiritual renaissance. :)

Posted by Blogger Eclecta | 10:02 AM  

Hi! I've been a reader for a very long time too. I always check in to see if you've posted, but I don't always leave a comment as I did pretty regularly in the beginning. Good luck in what ever do decide to do about the new blog. I'll grab your coat tail and tag along! Les~

P.S. Congrats on your sobriety C!

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 2:29 PM  

I've always loved reading your blogs, you have a great sense of humor.

Congrats on all of your life changes.

Posted by Blogger NY KAT | 3:02 PM  

I have only commented twice, but have read almost every post. I think this is one of the best posts because it was truly about you, your feelings, and none of the hype. Blogs work best when you can be transparent and not hiding anything about yourself or situation. We all change, grow and find that our focus isn't where we thought it was in the first place. ( I think a blog is good for that.) and so, I congratulate you on your sobriety, your self reflection and your steel balls to document it all on the www. Good Luck!

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 10:49 AM  

I have to admit that I'm a lousy commenter, but I love reading your posts. Congratulations on your sobriety. That is quite an achievement. I'd like to visit your new blog. Keep writing whenever you want. We'll keep reading.

Posted by Blogger Yvett | 2:08 PM  

I so admire your honesty. You're really brave! Thank you for putting into words what I feel most days. I have (had) a blog, too, and recently decided to give it up. I miss my 'online' identity, but I had moved away from who I was because of it. And I love my flats, too (my heels, I like...not love).

Posted by Blogger girlpaint | 10:22 PM  

I've always loved reading your blogs, you have a great sense of humor.

Posted by Anonymous hassam | 5:19 AM  

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