Overdressed

But I watched American Idol tonight. You almost have to, since it will be EVERYWHERE tomorrow no matter if you go for traditional media or blogs.

I have gone on record that I patently refuse to watch reality TV. Although My Kid & I have jumped on the Amazing Race bandwagon this season and I really do like that show because it is actually entertaining, but more than that, it's not about bullshit relationships and cattiness and bitchiness between the participants but it's actually about the action of the show. So I make an allowance for that.

And I do watch the auditions at the beginning of the AI season because it's so fucking hilarious when they show all those people who apparently truly believe that they have musical abilities. Freaks! They're all FREAKS! And who isn't entertained by a good freak show now and then?

So here's my take on the contestants. Keep in mind that this is the only performance I have seen so I have no depth on which to make my judgments. But you must know by now that superficial judgments of other people are my favorite kind.

1. That gray-haired guy - I think I remember him from the auditions. I know he's got his own personal following (I'm guessing they're women age 40-55) but I thought his voice was really weak. Maybe it was his song choice.

(As a side note, "Country Roads" was one of our favorite songs to sing in the car when I was a kid, and one of the only ones that didn't come from the orange Mormon Primary songbook. I'm not even sure how it is that we learned this secular, worldly song.)

2. Mandisa - she's from Nashville, you know. I think she's a goddess. How can she NOT win this contest?

3. Elliott - or, as I like to call him, Vibrato Guy. Even Kenny Rogers told him to sing the notes more straight. And dude, when Kenny Rogers is telling you to tone it down....I'm just sayin'.

4. Paris - I totally remember her from the auditions. How can you not? That speaking voice....that singing voice....the odd fact that they reside in the same body. I think she's incurably cute but why does she pronounce her words so weirdly when she sings?

5. Creepy Ace - if this guy tried to talk to pick me up in a bar, I wouldn't hesitate to call security. I realize some he may appeal to some people but yikes. I think he's creepy. He reminds me of that one guy last time who was always doing that creepy tongue thing. Also, he has trouble holding a note at one pitch. I was all, "Dude, find a pitch you like and go with it."

6. Kellie Pickler - spare me. Vote her off on the grounds that she's a complete idiot and thus does not get to represent the American anything.

7. Chris - I would probably like Chris, only I got biased to him when he got all that publicity for his excellent rendition of Johnny Cash's "Walk the Line" and then it turned out that he was really just singing the rock band Live's version of the song. And, umm, have you compared the two singers? I'm assuming no one's ever seen them both in the same room at the same time.

7. Katharine McPhee - (for the record, yes, I had to look up these names on the American Idol web site. Except for Mandisa.) OK, first, the way you spell your name is stupid. I realize that that was your parents' doing and not yours, but now that you're older? Change it. Secondly, I hate you and the way you sing. You are the epitome of the AI screaming divas that turned me off this show during Kelly Clarkson's reign.

8. Bucky - Did I ever tell you that my high school boyfriend's name was Bucky? Oh yeah. He, however, was not a country music singer. And this guy is. I guess. He does nothing for me. The end.

That's all I got. You have a favorite? Do you even watch?

Posted by Kalisa on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 at 7:33 PM | Permalink