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I have a bit of a moral hangover

Two reasons, really.

First, I got very drunk at the office Christmas party. Actually, several of us did, so I wasn't alone. Remember - the lunch at the Mexican place with beer and wine? Well, of course the party crowd ordered margaritas. And when everyone else left to go back to the office, our car of six wanted to stay and finish our drinks. And....of course....we ordered a few MORE. So lots of tequila was consumed.

We got back to the office (finally) and pretty much everyone took off. I'm not sure why Amy & I stayed till the end. What WERE we thinking? Amy had been smart - she had her husband drive her to the office that morning so that he could pick her up following the imbibing of margaritas and not leave her car. He was kind enough to drive me as well. We stopped by the Bistro for a few more drinks - NOT THAT WE NEEDED THEM - and I was at home and sound asleep by 7:30 p.m. I missed my nail appointment completely.

I was a little anxious about returning to the office this morning since the last afternoon here is a bit of a blur. Amy assured me that I was fine during the two hours or so that we spent back at the office and it wasn't until later at the Bistro that I really started to become overly intoxicated.

I did wake up about 3:30 that morning; I believe the noise coming from downstairs is what woke me. I wondered what the hell My Kid was doing awake at 3:30 a.m. The next morning, I was up before anyone else. I found this on the floor:

OK, it's a lousy photo, but you get the idea. Their pre-ordered XBox 360 finally came in. And they stayed up all night playing it. Not just Thursday, but every night since then, as well.

I asked Big Daddy why he didn't save it until Christmas for the Kid and he said that they'd waited long enough. As you can see, he was every bit as anxious to get his hands on it as the son was.

Which leads me to my other reason for the moral hangover. Once Christmas was upon us, I started to regret my efforts to ignore the holiday. It was a bit of a letdown to spend Christmas Eve without so much as a stocking hanging from the mantle. I won't even go into opening presents AROUND THE DINING ROOM TABLE on Christmas morning.

I've always battled some depression around the holidays. I think I thought that I wouldn't feel that way this year if I just ignored the holiday completely (and drank enough). But my efforts were fruitless. Christmas came anyway and I was equally saddened, only this time by my insistence to deny it.

It's like a Lifetime Move starring Valerie Bertinelli where she discovers the true meaning of Christmas afterall! The End!

I tried to make up for it yesterday by going to the grocery and buying lots of stuff to make cookies. My Kid has always enjoyed baking with me and I'm relieved to report that his pre-teen annoyance with me hasn't been able to destroy that (yet). We made sugar cookies frosted with chocolate, peanut butter cookies with kisses and those pretzel things recommended by Filegirl.

Big Daddy kept saying, "What are you cooking all this for? I hope you're going to take some of it to work!" But I figure the kids on the cove will all be home this week, so I'm sure it will be gone in no time. While we cooked, the whole famn damily watched the Tigers win the Motor City Bowl together - something we hadn't done in a while, what with all the various TVs in the house.

We *heart* you, DeAngelo! Now go rock the NFL draft, bay-bee!

Which is all to say that I regret some of my decisions this past year. I guess when you're 39 and it's the last week in December you tend to look back with some regrets. Mine is that I let my family down this year. Not just for Christmas, but in general. I feel like I've been too wrapped up in my own life and wanting so much to live the Carrie Bradshaw existence even though I'm married, with a child, and living in the suburbs and there's really not one thing that resembles Carrie in my life, except that we both love shoes. I desperately want to rearrange my priorities this year and to become a more active presence in my family's life. Maybe I'll even take up knitting.

Which isn't to say that I won't still look fabulous.

The Born-Again Christmas Mom