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Here's all I have to say about the death of the Pope

I'm not Catholic. (I'm not even sure I'm Christian.) But I recognize that what's happening is history. And I find it all quite fascinating.

Because if I were going to be a religion, I would definitely chose one like Catholicism with lots of pomp and circumstance. Because I think that's cool.

And all this is about as good as it gets, right? The changing of the Pope?

So I was thinking...you know, Catholics believe that when a person dies, their soul goes to Purgatory. The in-between state. Because a sinful soul can't get into Heaven and all that. And the mortal souls left behind here on earth help the deceased to transition from Purgatory into Heaven by saying prayers and lighting candles for them.

In most cases, I suppose, this works. Unless you're going to hell. Then, I guess all the prayers in the mortal world ain't helping you. Or, I don't know. Maybe if you're going to hell you don't even get the luxury of Purgatory. Maybe you get the Express to Hell, like that old Eddie Murphy line from his first comedy album...You walk up to the door with your ticket - You shot the Pope? Come right in!

So here's what a non-believer thinks about in the middle of the night when she can't sleep: I'm wondering, does the Pope's soul go to Purgatory?

Do faithful Catholics have to pray him into Heaven?

Because daaaamn...you're the Pope.

And you probably haven't had an unclean thought since you were, like, 12.

And if the Pope can't get in, then what hope do the rest of us have??