1. I. Love. Shoes.
2. And I'm a shoe snob. I'll admit it.
3. I must have at least 50 pairs of shoes.
4. Which isn't any kind of record.
5. But they all cost over $200.
6. Depending on if I get them on sale or not.
7. Count it: That's over $10,000 worth of shoes.
8. My favorites are a pair of stiletto-heeled, pointy-toed, black Prada pumps.
9. I bought them on sale for $200.
10. They were a 1/2 size too small, but I didn't care, given the great price.
11. Anyway, leather stretches.
12. My favorite way to wear them is without hose.
13. My most comfortable is a pair of Stuart Weizman black croco slingbacks.
14. They're very high, but very easy to wear.
15. I could fucking run hurdles in a pair of 4-inch, $500 shoes.
17. Expensive shoes are way more comfortable than cheap shoes.
18. And by "cheap shoes" I mean 9-West.
19. Or Enzo.
20. Years ago, when I was still in college, I met this girl who'd just returned to Memphis from modeling and acting in LA.
21. She gave me this expensive shoe line.
22. I thought she was the biggest snob I'd ever met.
23. If I could find her now, we'd probably be BFF.
24. I do not wear flats.
25. I have one pair of Banana Republic black croco flats.
26. They're cute but just not comfortable for me.
27. I thought I might wear them occasionally with skinny pants.
28. Or maybe when I travel, and have to huff it through airports.
29. But no.
30. I'm 5-foot-2.
31. I simply can not wear flats.
32. Although I do wear flip flops in the summer.
34. But they have to be very girly and cute.
35. Not plastic.
36. My favorite flip flops are a pair of Steve Madden's.
37. I bought them in La Jolla, California (outside San Diego) on a business trip.
38. I think kitten heels are a joke.
39. I have one pair of Prada, pointy-toed, kitten-heeled mules.
40. They're very cute.
41. But I feel like I'm frontin' when I wear them.
42. Kitten heels are for girls who can't hang.
43. I'm sure I'll eat those words one day when every disc in my back has completely deteriorated from years of abuse.
44. I have one pair of tennis shoes.
45. I rarely wear them.
46. I've had them for about 6 or 7 years but they're not worn out at all.
47. I wear them with jeans occasionally, when my back is hurting me.
48. When I do, people always say, "I didn't realize you were so short!"
49. I have a lot of back problems.
50. Doctors keep telling me to quit wearing high heels.
51. I'd rather be paralyzed.
52. I have 5 pairs of pink shoes.
53. I have one pair of red shoes.
54. I actually loathe red shoes.
55. But these are 4-inch, strappy, Via Spiga hookah shoes.
56. They're very sexy.
57. But most uncomfortable.
58. I have 4 pairs of Via Spigas.
59. They're the most uncomfortable shoes in my closet.
60. They suck actually.
61. I've made a decision never to purchase another pair.
62. No matter how cute.
63. Spigas are like the best shoes at Macy*s.
64. Macy*s is the only department store we have in town.
65. I used to buy shoes there a lot.
66. But now I prefer the boutiques.
67. Big Daddy got me hooked on expensive shoes.
68. I'm betting he regrets that now.
69. When I met him, I bought the cheapest of the cheap.
70. I was a waitress/college student who went for the Payless in order to have more.
71. He made me buy shoes at Macy*s.
72. I felt like a whole, beautiful new world had been opened to me.
73. Not unlike what some people describe in their near-death experiences.
74. Angels sang...
75. I do not own a pair of Manolos.
76. But I will someday.
77. I always try them on.
78. I want a pair of Jimmy Choo's, too.
79. But his designs are limited to black-tie gala shoes.
80. Not high on my priority, since the Prada pumps without hose do just as well.
81. I once bought a pair of $500 shoes.
82. They were so fucking beautiful.
83. Big Daddy threatened to divorce me if I didn't return them.
84. He said when I'm bringing home 100 grand a year I can buy myself $500 shoes.
85. I don't think $500 is excessive for good shoes.
86. I know I would wear them always.
87. I'm always concerned that people will think I'm copying Carrie Bradshaw, with her shoe obsession.
88. Truth is, I think she was copying me.
89. I wear high heels to the most unusual of places.
90. Like to football games.
91. Because really, there's no excuse for not looking chi-chi, right?
92. I've thought about starting some sort of charity walk where everyone has to wear high heels.
93. Surely there are girls out there like me that would get a kick out of that, no?
94. This list started out with the title "20 Things about Shoes."
95. But it kept growing.
96. Turns out I had a lot more to say about shoes than I thought.
97. I can't think of any other topic that I could write 100 Things about.
98. And yet, no one takes "Shoes" as a serious hobby.
99. Oh. My. God.
100. Can you believe I wrote 100 things ABOUT SHOES???