What's with all the empty seats? Has the show become THAT unpopular that they can't even get people to come to it? Because seriously, I'd gladly catch a flight to Hollywood if they want me to fill a seat...
I don't foresee any Emmy awards going to the producers of this Oscar broadcast. It had to be the least-professionally produced show ever. The audio was dropped on the start of nearly every line. And what was with all those abrupt loud noises? Like people dropping scenery backstage? Jebus people, WE'RE ON THE AIR...
Did you catch Oprah giving the Black Power Salute during Jamie Foxx's acceptance speech?...
South Americans everywhere were up in arms that Jorge Drexler didn't get to sing his own song from The Motorcycle Diaries. They were pissed that the producers chose bigger names (Antonio Banderas & Carlos Santana) to perform it and there was even some kind of petition being circulated. I just have one thing to say to these people: AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T GET BEYONCE TURNING YOUR SONG INTO SOME KIND OF CHEAP CRAPPY POP TUNE WHILE CUTTING HER EYES SEDUCTIVELY EVEN THOUGH THE SONG WAS ABOUT LEARNING TO BE LONELY...
Red Carpet Watch: Dammit, Star, this is the last time I'm gonna tell you this: IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Nobody cares that you're wearing the same jeweler as Hillary Swank, OK?
Photos to come directly...
I seemed to have piqued quite a bit of interest when I mentioned my personal Samantha Gets Sent to HR episode. Really, the story's not all that. But I suppose it's not something everyone is lucky enough to experience, so I shall share.
It all started the night of the local PR awards last year. Which, BTW, we swept so embarrassingly that my boss limited how many we can enter this year. Anyhoo, we had purchased two tables for the event, and most of my department was there. This was like the tenth year I'd gone to this thing and it seems every year I dress less and less formally. This year I was feeling rather daring (and rebellious) so I wore a pair of black satin tuxedo pants and a deep red corset top that's made to show your bra straps. The bra was black. I didn't think too much of it. I knew it was a little risky, but anyone who knows fashion wouldn't question it.
But there was this one person on our staff who is not female and who attended along with his wife who is not attractive and is in fact actually rather dowdy. And apparently, we were paying this staff member $45,000 a year to sit around and complain about me because that is certainly all this staff member ever seemed to do. And the following Monday morning, this staff member went to our boss and complained about the way that I was dressed at the event. He said that he was "embarrassed."
Are you totally rolling your eyes yet???
So the boss said that he would talk to HR, but he didn't think there was anything that could be done because it was not at work or even a work event. Which I'm sure is what HR told him because the HR department has one purpose and one purpose only: to protect my company from being sued. And since they probably didn't see any way that they could be sued over this, I'm sure they chose to take no action on it.
I know everything that went on between this staff member and the boss because, as I said before, he spent every minute of every day talking about me and complaining about me and trying to stir up a coup against me and luckily there are people in the department who do actually like me so they would tell me every unkind word he spoke.
Fast forward a couple of months into last summer. Summer. In Memphis. With 90 degree temps and 90 percent humidity. We are business casual at work, so we're not required to wear hose, etc. In the summer, I mostly wear skirts (above the knee as is the current fashion), high-heeled sandals, and casual tops.
Late one afternoon, I get an email from one of the directors in HR. She wants me to stop by her office at 9 the next morning. Well, you think, that's never good. But I had the evening to consider what the meeting might pertain to and it was not hard to determine that it might be this.
She told me that "several people" had complained about the way that I was dressing - that it just wasn't "professional." My tops were cut too low and my skirts were too short. There was concern that I wasn't properly "representing the organization."
I said, "Look, I respect your opinion and I'll be more conscientious about what I wear, but I'm gonna tell you something: I know where this is coming from, because I've been told by people in my department, in other departments here and people at the hospital across the street that this staff member badmouths me everywhere he goes. So pardon me if I don't put too much credibility in this complaint.
"The fact is, I have big girls, and shirts that really aren't even lowcut APPEAR low on me because you're going to see a little bit of cleavage. It's summertime and I ain't wearing turtlenecks."
She didn't make me sign anything and it didn't go into my permanent record or anything.
When I told Big Daddy about it that night, he said, "Those people just don't know how to work around a sexy woman."
Which is true, really. I felt like I was being discriminated against for having a curvy figure. Cause there are women well over 300 pounds on the 5th floor that wear LEGGINGS to work and believe me, it's pretty fucking indecent but no one complains about THAT.
Shortly after this we had a big dinner meeting with the Board and the entire staff of my company and my boss gave our department the "please dress conservatively" speech. I went out and bought a conservative plum-colored pants suit which I wore and you can't imagine the comments I got - from VPs on up to the Chairman of the Board..."Have you joined a convent or gone lesbian?"..."Who'd you borrow that suit from?"..."I liked the old you better."..."I've never seen you dress so conservatively."
They weren't compliments.
I answered each one of them, "My boss made me dress like this."
Here's your handy guide to this week's OC pop culture references...a whole week before you can get them on USA Today.
"It's the opening sequence to The Day After Tomorrow out there."
Said by: Seth to Ryan, referring to the uncharacteristic heavy rain coming down outside.
Reference: The 2004 movie starring Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal about the earth's runaway climate destroying all life.
"You're listening to Boyz II Men?"
Said by: Ryan to Seth, when he comes to his room and finds him lamenting his loss of Summer. "I can think of no sadder song in the whole world," Seth says.
Reference: The poplar 90s African-American boys band famous for its smooth soul sound and intricate harmonies.
"I was waiting for Motown Philly"
Said by: Summer to Marissa, when she is found in her own room listening to the same Boyz II Men song as Seth.
Reference: Another Boyz II Men song. The band members are originally from Philadelphia.
"I have Ding Dongs and dessert wine."
Said by: Sandy to Rebecca
Reference: When the pair get stuck in a hotel room together overnight due to a washed out road, Sandy produces the Hostess cream-filled, chocolate-covered snack cake to eat.
"I went through an experimental stage, too. It included Motley Crue and Jagermeister."
Said by: Julie to Marissa, in an attempt to relate to (and somehow lessen) Marissa's Sapphic relationship with Alex.
Reference: The heavy metal 80s hair band Motley Crue for whom noted wifebeater and sex tape maker Tommy Lee drums, and the herbal-flavored bitter German liqueur most popularly imbibed in cold, straight shots.
"Marissa and Alex are no longer welcome in the Red States."
Said by: Seth to Ryan, in sharing his newly acquired knowledge that their two ex-girlfriends are now in a relationship together.
Reference: The red states are those that vote Republican and are notably opposed to anything homosexual.
"I could use a magazine. Would you like a People, Us Weekly, In Touch?"
Said by: Summer to Zack as she nervously sits in the airport with him and his family awaiting their flight to Italy.
Reference: Celebrity gossip magazines with big color photos often purchased from the mad paparazzi.
"I'd take an Economist."
Said by: Zach's uptight sister in response to Summer's offer to pick up magazines. She is getting married in Italy and asked her brother's girlfriend to be in the wedding even though they've only met once because, as Zach says, "She doesn't have a lot of friends."
Reference: A boring financial magazine that no one under 50 really reads.
"I'd take a Xanax."
Said by: Zach's mother in response to the sister's response to Summer's offer.
Reference: The anti-anxiety drug used to treat mild to moderate anxiety, nervous tension, activity depression or panic attacks. It's the new Mother's Little Helper.
And there you have it.
Here's a fun game you can play while watching the Oscars this weekend.
I straightened my hair and pulled it back off my face with a black headband. Who knew I even HAD a headband? Black Gap turtleneck, khaki White House/Black Market pants, pointy black Prada pumps. Even my eye makeup is more conservative today - Mac Quarry rather than my usual Stila Heather.
I'm typically pretty Carrie with less quirk. Except for that stint last summer when I was apparently way too Samantha because someone complained that I was dressing too sexy for a work environment and I got called to HR.
that I was living in my childhood home with a bunch of guys from the NFL in a post-apocalyptic world.
Possible interpretation: the only thing to survive a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches and football.
(Sung to the tune of Willie Nelson's "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain)
So you know how you get behind that old lady driver, and they go 20 miles UNDER the speed limit and make you insane?
Well that happened to me this morning on my way to work. I got off the expressway, and I ended up behind this old guy who would take off sooooo slooooooowly from stop lights, and drive 20 miles an hour...ON A MOTORCYCLE!!
Well I had a nice day off...slept late...watched a little soaps. Had lunch with Big Daddy AND HIS CO-WORKER...so the sexy outfit was shelved for something more subtle: jeans, a white T and high-heeled 40s pumps with a tiny little toe hole cut out.
After, he went back to work and I went to the movies. I thought I'd see Phantom, since I really want to see it and certainly no one in this household is going to go with me so an afternoon alone seemed perfect. But, alas, I'd already missed the 12:50 show and 3:55 was just too late for a 3-hour movie.
So I saw "Finding Neverland," the third of the Big Oscar 5 that I've seen. My reviews are to follow:
This was a GREAT film. I give it 5 out of 5 Gowns (because, let's face it, the Oscars are really about THE GOWNS). The script is fab - my favorite line: Are you CHEWING GUM?? The performances are all definitely Oscar-worthy. Paul Giamotti TOTALLY got shaded. This is an actor's movie, which is why it got the SAG. It won't win the Oscar for best picture though.
A really good film. It gets 4 Gowns out of 5. The story is well-told. The real power of this film is Jamie Foxx's performance. And - being the Credit Watcher that I am - can I just send a shout out to my friend Bill Klages who did the lighting for all the concert scenes? Love ya, babe!
Oh. My. God. What a beautiful film. So beautiful. 5 Gowns out of 5. I hope it wins for music and costume because...so beautiful. It was a sweet and charming and touching fairy tale. Which makes it too soft to win the Best Picture Oscar. Johnny Depp - I love him. I think he's THE actor of my generation. But I'm not so sure he deserved the nod for this particular role. His character was a subdued gentleman British playwright of the early 1900s. He was quite restrained. Not a lot of emotion there. Kate Winslet was fab. Lots of good emotion in her role. And that child - Freddy Highmore - who played the young boy Peter? Utterly charming. I am totally buying the soundtrack to this. And anyway, was J.M. Barry Scottish? Because that was quite a fine Scottish accent Depp had going on, despite the fact that the film was set in London.
Million Dollar Baby
OK, I didn't see this movie. And there's a really good reason why. And I'm about to tell it to you. Even though it may include spoilers. Because, let's face it, if you haven't heard the spoilers to this film you are living under a rock. The Golden Globes peeked my interest - slightly. I just really really don't like Hillary Swank. I don't know why. She just rubs me the wrong way. And I'm not a huge fan of Eastwood films either. Although Mystic River was OK. But Million Dollar Baby got such good press at the Golden Globes I started to think perhaps I should pay more attention. But the press also alluded to some big plot twist that I simply had to find out. And when I read what it was...I was all, "Shit. I don't want to see THAT." I understand that the acting is off the charts. Hell, I've loved Morgan Freeman since The Electric Company. Still, there is nothing about this film that makes me want to see it. Or even rent it. Bleh. (OK, I didn't spoil afterall.)
Have yet to see this movie, amazingly. Big Daddy saw it the first week it was out. I don't know how I missed that trip to the theater. I always meant to see it. It's definitely the kind of movie I would go to the theater to see. But I've seen the trailers enough to know. This is the Best Picture Oscar winner. I can't comment much beyond that, not having actually seen it, but more details of my opinion are below.
My Oscar Picks:
The Aviator - it has everything: action, drama, romance, mental illness, Hollywood, Washington...who can compete with that? This picture is BIG. No way it can't win. I mean, Titanic won, and that movie sucked ass.
Jamie Foxx, Ray - He didn't just act like Ray, he became Ray. Jamie Foxx is experiencing the year of his life. I hope he lives up to it because he has a lot to offer as an actor.
Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby - I already told you I haven't witnessed this performance, but I've read enough to know that she's the odds-on favorite. Even though I'd personally love to see Catalina Sandino Moreno win for Maria Full of Grace.
Best Supporting Actor:
Probably not really qualified to call this one, since I haven't seen 3 of the 5 nominated performances. Jamie Foxx was good in Collateral, but he won't win because he's going to take the Lead Actor statuette. Thomas Hayden Church was great in Sideways, but Clive Owens has had great press for Closer. I'm picking a sentimental favorite - Alan Alda, because I totally think The Aviator is going to sweep the Oscars.
Best Supporting Actress:
Cate Blanchett, The Aviator - see above. Plus, how gutsy do ya gotta be to play Kate Hepburn?? Kate Winslett totally deserved a nod in this category. Not that it matters because I'm pretty sure the Cate with a C has it wrapped up anyway.
Martin Scorsese, The Aviator - Hopefully, hopefully the Academy will go for the sentimental lifetime achievement vote and please PLEASE not give another statuette to Clint Eastwood, Botox Man.
So I have this great new idea for a cooking show: The Drunken Chef.
She could feature simple, yet elegant meals that could be created by the mom who has already partaken in a couple glasses of wine. Or vodka tonics. And to make the show believable, she would drinking as she cooks. This sounds like the perfect job for me!
On a similar note, I decided this week that I would try to start using fresher spices. So I bought fresh garlic cloves and a garlic press. Which, can I just say? Is a COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY. Jeebus that thing was hard to use. And it totally baffles me because it seems like the majority of the clove ends up as waste. So this Drunken Chef says: Stick with the minced garlic that comes in the little jar.
Also, pre-shredded cheese. It's the only way to go.
This week has been such a hard one. For all of us. I've been so busy at work, trying to get this long-term project up off the ground. Big Daddy's been asked to take on a new account as his job. Means lots more $$$! But traveling every week. This weekend seems like all we did was fight. Shit it's hard to be married.
Tonight when My Kid asked to go over to the twins' house and I realized that he had to school tomorrow, I checked my calendar for Monday and saw NO MEETINGS!! So I decided to take a personal day tomorrow and...I don't know...meet Big Daddy for lunch in a sexy not-your-typical-lunch outfit.
I figure he deserves it.
I know I said I wouldn't write about work, but I'm just wondering...
How does a person get to be Director of Communications when she can't spell "capitalized"?
When she thinks the "@" symbol stands for "about" (as in, "Can we chat @ your project?")?
When she uses words like "inputted" - you know, the past tense of "input" - in staff meetings?
I'm just sayin...
Now that I'm back I've got a vendor here training us on a new traffic system for our dept. It's a big project that I've been leading for about 18 months now that is finally coming to fruition. Long days while he's here. No blogs. Not mine or anyone else's. I haven't even OPENED another blog since *gasp* last TUESDAY!!! Egad.
So if you're missing my comments on your site (humor me...) just know that I'll be back soon. He'll be gone late Wednesday afternoon and maybe I can catch up then. Make sure you go back and check your previous posts because I'll be leaving very, very late comments. And I'll try to get a quick post in sometime in the evening so you'll know I'm still around.
Did you SEE that horrendously cheesed-out Anthony family duet on the Grammy's the other night? I missed most of the show (and all of the Red Carpet, so sorry - no Overdressed photo commentary on these awards) but I was lucky enough to tune into this. Holy shit!
If J. Lo had been on AI, Paula Abdul would have said, "It was a little pitchy." But I ain't that nice: the bitch was OUT OF TUNE.
And what was with the whole bedroom scene? And the robe she was wearing? And what exactly was that underneath the robe, because I generally don't wear evening gowns under my peignoir, but apparently that's what it was since at the end of the song her adoring husband put a fur stole over her shoulders and they left. I don't really know because the song was in Spanish and I don't speak Espanol. Whatever it was, it was ugly. Even My Kid couldn't believe how HUGE it made her hips look. And he's 11. He generally doesn't notice such things but it was pretty fucking obvious.
I only wanted to see it because I thought I might catch some glimpse of private passion between The Supposedly Married Couple That Refuse To Walk The Red Carpet Together Or Even Arrive At The Same Time. But no. There was none.
And BTW, when Mr. Anthony played for a benefit here in Memphis, some, errr...girls I know that, ahhh...wait tables at that fine upstanding club otherwise referred to as "The Purple Church" or "The Mt. Moriah Social Club," reported he was there later in the evening getting himself the special treatment. If you know what I mean. But that's just the rumor. I don't claim to know anything.
Here I am. I'm sure you were beginning to wonder. I had to go to Chicago on business Thursday. A 6 a.m. flight, which means I had to get up at 3:30 in the morning!! So obviously I had a lot to do Wednesday at work and Wednesday night AND I had to get to bed early and I just didn't get the chance to tell you that I was leaving. Sorry about that. Especially to those of you struggling with your own abandonment issues already.
So yeah, I went to a two-day training seminar on "Breaking the Habits that are Holding You Back." See, every year I have in my performance review goals to attend some sort of training seminar. And for the past couple years I've kinda been blowing it off which, errr..., could be a habit that's holding me back. So anyway, I decided to try & make a seminar this year and figured, given my history with my boss, this would be one he'd like to see me attend. If I get something out of it as well, then bonus.
The class was actually pretty good and the instructor - an industrial psychologist - was excellent. The people in the class though...holy shit.
It started out okay. There were maybe 12 or 14 of us. I was a little surprised at the age of so many of them, as they were much older than I expected. I started out sitting at a table with three rather benign gentlemen. But then midway through the first day, the instructor makes us count off and change tables. She wants us to sit with a whole different crowd. And, wouldn't you know, I get stuck with all the freaks! Because there's really only three people in the class that are complete weirdos - people who were forced into this class because they went completely ballistic on their job one day - and my new table is me...and the three of them!
Next to me is Patty. She's an older woman - looks to be in her 60s maybe? She's got on big, gold Fendi glasses and, even though the dress was established as "business casual," she's wearing a VELOUR PANTSUIT. Patty is here because she got a new boss and in her first meeting with him she blew up and stormed out. Yea. Patty talks too loud and does all the exercises incorrectly.
Across from Patty is Gardener, which - last I checked - is a profession and not a name, unless maybe you're one of those rich snobs that calls your driver Driver and your nanny Nanny. This guy is the most stale white bread I've ever seen. Crustless even. He's wearing a very plain vanilla-colored sweater and I swear sometimes I can't tell where his skin ends and the sweater begins. He has no facial expressions. None. Ever. And probably not any facial hair either, that I can tell. And he has tiny little hands and skinny fingers.
When we joined our new tables, the instructor had us tell one "unique" thing about ourselves. All my freaks just kinda stared at each other, so I said, "I used to sing in a band." Gardener followed that with, "I used to be a punk rocker" which has everyone - even the instructor - amazed because he's so NOT a punk rocker. But I'm not shocked because I can just SEE what kind of "punk rocker" he was - a wannabe in hair dyed orange who considers himself a punker because he likes the Cure. Poser. He's here because there was an "incident" on a phone call that he "failed to diffuse." Whatev. Companies don't spend $1,500 on training seminars because of one lousy phone incident. I think Gardener's hiding something. Something BIG.
The third woman at the table had taken a big black marker, colored out her first name on her place tag, and wrote "JOE" (with an "e"). She's big and stern with no makeup and hair pulled back severely from her face. She works for the US Postal Service and she's here because someone filed an official complaint against her. She scares me. And she doesn't like me. When we had to do a table exercise and write our group's responses on a flip chart, she REFUSED to write down anything I said even though what I was saying was RIGHT and what they were saying was all bullshit and I was embarrassed when we presented our answers to the class that anyone would even THINK that I agreed with one single thing that was written there.
So that's what my class was like. I stayed in the hotel where the class was being held and it was nice - French - and the food there was good but expensive and I hope my boss doesn't nail me on my expense account when I get back. The weather was like 20 degrees in Chicago, so I frankly never left the property once I got there. When I left for the airport Saturday morning I realized on the way there that I had left My Kid's iPod charging in my room so I had to rush back to the hotel to get that. He didn't want me to take it in the first place - I had to talk him into it - and he never would have spoken to me again if I'd lost it. Luckily I had left for the airport in plenty of time to go back and get it and still make my plane.
So now I'm back and ready to break all my habits that have been holding me back. I guess.
I heard an ad on the radio for the station's big Mardi Gras party tonight, and it's sponsored by Corona, "THE OFFICAL BEER OF MARDI GRAS."
Which begs the question:
I didn't even know Mardi Gras WAS a Mexican holiday!
Time to help My Kid with his homework again.
Predicate nominatives...Predicate adjectives....What's the difference?
The first is a NOUN and the second is an ADJECTIVE, right?
My Kid tells me that his teacher said they can BOTH be adjectives. Of course, there's a good chance he was making snarky comments with his friend when he should have been listening to the lesson. What? There's ALWAYS that chance with 11-year-olds. Anyway, the worksheet says:
Whatever the fuck THAT means.
Remember that predicate adjectives describe subjects. Predicate nominatives identify or explain subjects.
Recently, a whole other department moved onto our previously serene and peaceful floor at work. This means that many more people are now sharing our printer. So someone thought they should tape this message in small red letters to the front of the printer:
Please be courteous - When the paper becomes low please replace it. Thank you.
So I'm just wondering...Am I supposed to like OPEN the paper drawer every time I print something to make sure it's not low? Or maybe just when I've printed lots and lots of pages? Because call me crazy, but I always just replaced the paper when the thing beeped at me like a truck backing up to tell me it was empty. Isn't that how it works? ISN'T IT?? Am I the rude bitch in the department??
I ran into Taco Bell to pick up a taco salad for lunch and the flaming black boy at the register says to me, "Is that your Maxima with the blue headlights?" And I'm all, "Yeah..." but I'm wondering how he even knows that since I snuck in the back way and didn't even pull around front. And he says to me, "That is just ssssssick-en-ing."
From the Data Lounge: In other Desperate Housewives news, another cast member is going to come out of the closet in real life with the help of an upcoming cover of The Advocate and a string of talk show appearances. Just in time for May sweeps. Yes, I do know which cast member...but I will keep mom [sic] on who exactly it is other than to say that it wont be much of a surprise to those on DL. Oh, and the gay cast member will also announce a relationship with the lead of another TV series.
Friday night I had a few too many Cosmos (okay...a LOT too many!) and dreamed that I called my friend from work like a dozen times. I think I repeatedly called because she didn't ever answer. There wasn't any part of the dream that included me actually talking to her.
Imagine my horror Saturday morning when I saw my cell phone sitting out, picked it up and checked the recent activity on it. Yep. I called her 12 times between 7:30 and 10:15 Friday evening.
Big Daddy MUST STOP ME from ever drinking so irresponsibly again. Friends don't let friends dial drunk.
I got this email from my sister. Who probably doesn't read blogs. And certainly doesn't know I have one. It's one of those "add your own answers and send to all your friends including the person who sent it to you" things, which in Blogland translates into...MEME!
So please copy it and post on your own site. Because I'm nosy that way.
1. What time do you get up? 6 a.m. Way too fucking early.
2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? Duh. Jon Stewart.
3. Gold or silver? Silver
4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Meet the Flockers (and it sucked)
5. What is/are your favorite TV shows? Lost, Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, SATC Reruns, The OC
6. What do you usually have for breakfast? Protein shake or poached egg
7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? [redacted] so as not to be fired
8. What is your middle name? Rebecca Ruth (I have two, plus a maiden name)
9. Beach, City or Country? BEACH
10. Favorite ice cream? Marble slab cheesecake with mini chocolate chips.
11. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? Salted
12. Which would you prefer to buy: shoes or purses? Shoes
13. Makeup or bath products? Makeup
14. Price not considered, what kind of car would you drive? A Mercedes convertible
15. Favorite sandwich? Philly cheesesteak
16. What characteristic in people do you despise? Love of their own voice
17. Favorite flower? Calalily
18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Greece
19. Favorite brand of clothing? BCBG
20. Where would you retire to? The French Riviera
21. Favorite day of the week? Friday
22. What did you do for your last birthday? The same thing I've done ever year for the last 11 years: Went to dinner with my family and my in-laws. (My father-in-law and I share a birthday.)
23. Where were you born? Washington, DC
24. What's your favorite sport to watch? Basketball
25. What fabric detergent do you use? Cheer with Colorguard
26. Coke or Pepsi? Dasani bottled water actually
27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night. Owl.
28. What is your shoe size? 6
29. Do you have any pets? Two dogs - Smokey and Maggie
32. When is your birthday? November 5, 1966
Go over and read Amalah's most recent post for the best. reveal. ever.
A few years back I got Big Daddy a subscription to FHM magazine. The girls aren't starkers and he loves the smart-ass stories that can be finished during the average crap.
(Sorry. Big Chill quote...)
Anyhoo, the March issue (which, BTW, showed up in our mailbox on February 2!) has this big fold-out cover kind of like the new Vanity Fair only cheaper and skankier. This one is hot up & coming country singers. And believe me, there are no Shania's in there. I picked up the mag, unfolded the cover, and then held it up to Big Daddy. "I have never seen a magazine with more ugly women on the cover in my life. There's not a pretty one in there."
He disagreed, but then I was probably looking at their faces.
So I went to their web site, thinking I could grab an image of the new cover to share with you. But they've still got the Teri Hatcher and her boobs of bronze cover posted.
They do, however, have voting for the Sexiest Women in the World 2005.
Let's recap. The top 10 Sexiest Women in the World 2004 were:
10. Jessica Simpson
9. Pamela Anderson (in one of the most bizarely Barbie-like photos I've ever seen)
8. Charlize Theron
7. Jennifer Lopez
6. Jennifer Love Hewitt
5. Alyssa Milano
4. Jennifer Garner
3. Halle Berry
2. Angelina Jolie
1. Britney Spears
So here's my thoughts:
Jessica, you are the epitome of ditzy blonde. You are the Chrissy Snow of the new millenium. I don't think you're sexy at all. I think you need to be slapped.So I'm going online to place my vote for this year. You can too, if you want. Just go here. But in the mean time, please leave me your list of top 10 Sexiest Women in the World 2005 in the comments. I could use your help getting my list together. Thanks.
Pamela, you scare me.
Alyssa, yeah. You're definitely sexy.
Jennifer G., you do nothing for me.
Halle, I liked you a lot better when you had short hair.
Britney, I think you've probably killed any hopes you had of repeating your title by prancing around town in no make up with your dirty hair piled up on top of your head. Yeah, you blew it sister. Your ratings have tanked this year.
American Idol 4
Girl comes in dressed as a COW (utter and all). Sings horrifically. Grabs utter for emphasis during song.
Judges put her out of her misery, cut her off.
Simon simply says, "NO."
Paula says, "You're just not right for this competition."
Simon retorts, "What competition WOULD she be right for?"
Randy interjects, "Best in Show?"
It's a KILT. NOT A "CHEERLEADER SKIRT."
Last night I dreamed that it was the 4th of July and I was with Aiden from SATC. At first, SJP was there, too. Then she started shrinking and she got smaller and smaller until she was just the size of a flea and she hopped off. Now was my chance!
Unfortunately, I hadn't washed my hair. And it was the 4th of July so it was hot and I was all sweaty around my hairline. So I snuck off to the bathroom to try to do something with my hair, which was much shorter in the dream than it is in real life, so it wasn't really cooperating. I kept working with it and working with it, and then I saw Aiden walk by and he was all mopey and sad. I ran out of the bathroom and asked someone what was wrong and she told me that Aiden thought I'd ran out on him or stood him up and he was very upset by it. So I ran after Aiden and told him that I was still there and then the rest of the dream was a lot of hugging and kissing.